Today I meditate by the pool on a lawn chair topless!  Oh my!  I happen to live on a big lot that has podocarpus bushes lining the fence lines so there is lots of privacy.  One of the essentials to healthy living in Natural Hygiene is to make you you get sunlight on the body.  Even the parts that never see the sun.  The best times of the day are mornings and late afternoons to avoid the peak sun times.  Our bodies are beautiful and natural and I’m not into body shaming no matter what our bodies look like.  We are blessed with these bodies and we need to love them.  It felt so good to let the sun light warm my body and listen to the sounds of the Sand Hill Cranes as they fly by.  I can feel a gentle wind as I sip my water, lean back and go into my blissful meditation.

As soon as I close my eyes, I see a bright fuchsia red aura.  It’s the color red similar to the one in the image but not so much black and more red with light behind it.  After my meditation I try to look up these aura images and I’m shocked at how it is difficult to find an image that matches the color and the shapes of the aura I see.  I am honestly inspired to paint them but not just yet as I have other projects first.  It’s just an idea that comes up.  I’m starting to think there’s no accident to these ideas.  These images don’t exist, only I can see them.  We learn all about these aura field’s in my yoga teacher training and while maybe I noticed they were there in the past, I didn’t pay any attention to them.  Now when I see aura’s they are vivid, strong and beautiful. 

After the red, purple comes in from the bottom followed by a flickering white light.  I think about what my yoga teacher Shelly tells me, “change the white light to gold”, so I do.  The brightest yellow rays appear melting into brown in the upper right corners.  I can’t hold the yellow.  It’s gone some green appears in the center followed by a bright light blue which now covers the aura.  I think about how blue is nurturing like water and how I’m next to the pool so I’m right where I need to be.  I feel my heart bursting into the sky I feel so much bliss from the warm sun.  It’s as if the sun is reaching down and holding my heart softly.  Cradling it.  Healing it.  I feel a re-birth of myself happening.  It feels like I am taking my old skin off and coming back into a newer stronger version of my original self.

I was working with a client the other day who knows me well and my crazy roller coaster ride life that I’ve been on the past couple years.  He met my mother and was really impressed with her.  She has her PHD and 5 kids by the time she was 29.  After that she owned her own real estate brokerage while she was a full time high school special ed teacher.  She is an amazingly motivated woman who has been very successful in life.  She is wickedly smart and a very interesting woman.  She has spent the past 8 or 9 years sailing around the world on world cruises until my father was too ill to travel anymore.  She has been very fortunate to have an amazing teacher pension that pays her 80% of her salary for the rest of her life.  She really gets to live that life of leisure where nothing is needed to be done everyday.  Everyday, she gets to choose how she wants to live.  After meeting my mother, my client says to me, “your mom comes into town” and he shakes his fist into the sky and says “to remind you who you are”.  I nearly fell over when he says this to me.  

Yes I forgot who I was.  I forgot my self worth.  In the process of trying to make a relationship work, I found myself compromising myself.  I compromised it so much to the point that I needed someone to remind me.  I needed my mother.  She has been slowly helping me re-build my life.  She moved in with me because my dad is too sick and has to be in a home because he needs 24 hour care for stage 3 Alzheimer’s disease.  She is also sick and needs help and while I can’t help my dad mostly because I can’t be at home 24 hours a day, I can help my mom.  And in return my mom has been helping me.  She does little things like grocery shop, wash the laundry, help make school lunches and help raise my children so I can leave for an hour here and there.  I drive her all over the place, to doctors appointments, to The Villages, FL where she sold her house and to Tampa to visit my dad and brother.  It has been the most healing relationship that I have ever mended and I’m so glad I did. 

I was very angry with her for a long time but in the process of being angry with her, I was hurting because I love her so much and I missed her.  I had to let my anger go and allow her to love me once again.  And the funny thing is, I needed it.  I didn’t realize how much I needed it until I felt her love and support lifting me back up like a crippled up angel who’s will is so strong that she can push me toward the light despite her frailing body and my fear.  It’s amazing what mother’s do for their children.  It has been very humbling and healing to forgive.  As she comes closer to the end of her life, it really doesn’t matter what we were fighting about.  All that matter’s is now.  I’m so inspired by her strength, her will and her determination.  I find my strength from my mother.  It is her special gift to me and all those lives who are touched by her.

We find incredible joy during this time as we go watch my daughter’s singing concert, holding hands and fighting back proud tears as we listen to her yodle.  Or watch in sheer amazement as my son masters Halo video games at age 4.  The joy the children bring heals both of us.  I think the red aura is my mother’s wild passion to see the best in me and to have me thrive while the purple is my connection to the divine bringing us back together again through forgiveness.  It is a time for girl time.  I always wanted to be best friends with my mom.  I used to be very proud of her when I was younger.  I lost that and found it once again.  I am so damn lucky.  I love you mom, more than you can ever imagine.  My work comes out of my deep love for you.  Many blessings. It’s time to be re-born again and remember who I am.  I am Amy Lynn Hendricks, my maiden name.  Time to go back.