Discovering Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)
Hello beautiful people! I’m so excited to be writing again and connecting with you! I’ve been hibernating in the world of learning entrepreneurship. I realize that I have a lot to learn and I am throughly humbled. In the process of working in my business and not on my business I learned from an Assisted Thai Yoga client of mine about Adult Children of Alcoholics, ACA. I never heard of that before so just when I think I got everything down someone comes along and teaches me more. I’ve been having blocks with turning my business into a membership site mostly because it seems so overwhelming to me. I have a lot of technology to catch up on and I have to believe in myself and this project a lot to make it work. I have to admit it’s kinda scary but also exciting. In the process of learning everything I realize I can have more fun than I’m having. I realize that I like to have a lot of control with building this business and if things don’t go as planned then I’ll get frustrated easy.
I happen to be an ACA adult and I’m realizing that my need for control stems down to my childhood. ACA children often grow up to be co-dependents. I was in major denial of this for awhile, mostly because I didn’t know all the things that entailed being a co-dependent. Also, who really likes to look at their shadow side and admit that something is wrong. There’s humility needed to look at our dark side so that we can shed light on it and expose it. Through awareness we can start to consciously make changes. First we need to understand what it all means. I had a traumatic childhood growing up. There was a lot of verbal abuse in the home and as my four brothers got older, it turned into physical violence as everyone was reacting to the abuse. My father drank a six pack a night and sometimes more on the weekends. He never admitted it was a problem and never stopped drinking. My mother is a narcissist and the two of them together had lots of arguments. Terrible things were said to everyone in the house and the police were at my house often to break up fights. ACA adults strive for control because in their childhood they never had control. Common symptoms of being a co-dependent are people pleasing, seeking validation, an enabler, caring more about what other people think than yourself, spending more emotional or mental time taking care of someone in a relationship than the other person spends on you, victimization, minimizing out feelings, feeling stuck, complaining, evading responsibility amongst other things. I don’t blame my parents as I know they also were victims of ACA and narcissism but I do want to understand it and understand the patterns so that I can make conscious changes. They simply did the best that they could with what they knew.
Wow that was a humbling list for me as I realized that I fit into almost every symptom. Bottom line, there is a gap between my intellect and my emotions in that my emotional life wasn’t taken care of as a child. Co-dependents often grow up in a chaotic war zone as a child. This set them into a constant fight of flight mode calculating their moves, if I do this then I won’t get yelled at, etc. We often come into a state of hyper-vigilance and not feeling safe or secure. We stop seeking pleasure and simply try to avoid pain. It becomes hard to keep our head straight in school and we miss out on learning self because we spend so much time worrying about what’s going on outside of us. Our connections to our self are turned off and we suppress our feelings.
When we begin to make changes out of co-dependents then it can be difficult as our old crowd might not like the new us with better defined boundaries. Also we have a tendency to attract other people who are as dysfunctional as we are. Co-dependency is a learned behavior and the cool thing about this is that we can unlearn this behavior too. I found myself with an incredible desire to be a healer because I was so broken. In the process of healing myself, I realize that I can help others come out of this. I still have so much to learn but it’s exciting as I feel that light shining on my darkness and allowing me to make changes in my life so that I can start living that life that I always dreamed of. I really want a beautiful life and I’m willing to hold myself 100% accountable for everything that is happening. I’m tapping into my power and dropping the victim. It’s as if my old self, my false self is dying and I’m re-born. I understand myself and my triggers more. As I become less critical of myself, I’m becoming less critical of others. I really do believe that we live in an abundant world. Instead of letting my need for control seize my day, I’m starting to ask myself, “I wonder what will happen today”.
I hope my story helps you in some way. Talk to me and tell me if you also experienced anything like this and how you found success in turning your life around. Life is good and becoming conscious is a beautiful thing. Sending you all lots of love and light!