One of the first weekends of my yoga teacher training we opened up our dialogue. We were just casually talking about something I can’t remember but I remember saying “I don’t trust anyone.” I said it pretty casually without really realizing the impact of this statement. It just slipped off my tongue so somehow it was in me. We were sitting in a circle and my teacher had me look at everyone and say “I don’t trust you”. I was thinking this is ridiculous but I went ahead with the exercise anyway. I started to go around the circle and said “I don’t trust you”. Then I looked at the next person and said “I don’t trust you”. And the next, “I don’t trust you”. And the next, “I don’t trust you”. I continued on until I said it to everyone in the room. By the end I was in tears. I did have trust issues. The realization of this fact hit me like a brick wall. Let’s face it, if you are an adult, chances are that you have gotten hurt at some point in your life. In the process of protecting ourselves we energetically shut down. Or at least I did.
As I was going around in the circle and saying “I don’t trust you”, different reasons popped into my head on why I didn’t trust them. My mind was brilliant at coming up with little stories of fear that weren’t true. They were just my imagination and they weren’t real. The problem not trusting anyone is that you are spending a lot of time alone as relationships are built on trust. When we were doing this trust exercise, what I really was saying is that I want to trust you but I’m scared. I wanted to open up to this new group of people. I was dealing with serious issues and I needed to be able to be open about what I was dealing with because I was having a hard time doing it alone. If we stop taking risks on trusting people then we are missing out on a lot of joy. Our relationships make us feel happy. Love makes us feel happy. We need each other to hold hands with as we go through turbulent stages of life as well as share in our successes. Our lives become more rich when we open ourselves up, trust and love one another.
Throughout the yoga teacher training, we all opened our hearts and worked through all of our chakras, the yoga sutras, Bhagavad Gita as well as energy work. Once I realized that I really didn’t trust anyone, I made a conscious effort to take a chance on this beautiful group of people. I opened up my heart and I talked about my healing journey as I was actively making changes to improve my relationships and life. Our group bonded and we became close because we learned to trust each other. I learned that everyone is scared to some degree to open up. I was ready and simply went for it and I’m so glad that I did. Really connecting with someone is so special. When it happens and it is real, somehow we don’t feel so alone. Life becomes more interesting and people are absolutely fascinating. I love learning about other people’s lives. We yearn to be known and to be heard.
When we learn to authentically connect with each other like this on a deeper level then everything else seems boring. Who really likes shallow small talk? I mean, it’s ok for a little bit but then it’s simply more fun to really connect. Life is real. Life has many ups and downs. Life becomes more joyful when we have people to share our ride with. I learned to trust this group of people and love them. And yes, life became better. I’m glad that I got over my trust issues. I’m glad that I took a chance. I moved from Chicago to Clermont, FL and I was lacking depth in my new relationships. I was lonely. I really wanted real friendships with people whom I can really care about and love. I wanted community in this new town that I was living in. Take a chance and open up. Yes you might get hurt but don’t stop being kind and loving. You will find your people if you keep trying. As Michael Singer, the author of The Untethered Soul says, “go into new situations with a beginner’s mind. Don’t let past experiences affect new ones.” I’m so glad that I did this yoga teacher training. I feel joy despite the obstacles that I am facing. Much peace, love and light to you all. What do you think about this post? Does it resonate with you? Please feel free to comment as I really do want to know you.