I had this brilliant idea to take my mother with Parkinson’s, my 4 year old and my 6 year old to Cirque du Soleil alone!  What?!!!!  Are you crazy?  Yes I was, and I did.  My kids have handled the movies just fine so I think all is well.  I purchase the cheap tickets which for Cirque du Soleil, it doesn’t matter because all the seats are good.  I get my kids dressed to go.  I put on a dress for me, a dress for my daughter and my son refuses to wear anything but his normal cloths.  No big deal I say.  We are about to leave and I was going to wear my cork wedge heels.  My daughter has a white pair of wedge heels from a friend but they are two sizes too big for her still.  I have to convince her to put on black flat sandals and she wants me to put on my flip flops.  I put on black flats instead which is not what I normally wear but they are nicer for a dress.  She throws a fit and tells me to put on my flip flops.  I tell her no, I have a dress on and want to wear something nicer.  I know she is jealous because she doesn’t want me wearing anything nicer than her but they were only simple flats.  They were just not the normal ones.  She refuses to get into the car and yells at me and says, “mommy put on your flip flops” as she throws them at me.  I refuse because she is only 6 and she is telling me what to wear.  I don’t want her getting into the habit of telling me what I can and can’t do.  I have to pick her up and put her in the car.  I buckle in my son and my mother gets in the front.  My daughter is still mad and cries for about 25 minutes.  It stresses out my mother who yells “Pepper will you stop crying” and mocks her.  I can tell that Pepper’s feelings are hurt so I reach my hand back and tell her I love her.  I hold her hand and say, it’s just shoes baby.  I love you.  I say shhhh is a soft and gentle voice and she calms down. 

We make it to the show and I drop off my mom in her walker and park.  I walk up with my kids and my mom wants to get in fast so she cuts in front of everyone.  She is mad at me for taking so long and other people are mad about cutting the line.  I stay back because I just don’t want to cut.  We make it through and we do a potty break, my son and I go.  We make it to our seats.  Yay!  Everyone is excited!  My mom doesn’t sit by us in our assigned seats because she doesn’t want to part with her walker.  She sits at the end of the aisle.  They kids are good the first half of the first half of the show.

My son wants to sit on my lap.  My daughter gets jealous that I’m holding him and not her.  She wants to sit on the other knee.  Now I have two kids in my lap and they are pushing each other for more space on mommies lap.  Ahhhhh.  I tell them they have to both go back to sitting on their booster seats.  My son is really tired so I feel bad but I also don’t want them sitting on me anymore.  He starts crying and throws his booster seat on the floor.  I arrange it so he can sit on the booster seat on the floor after making attempts to get him back in his seat.  There is a little girl in front of Pepper who is about her age eating popcorn.  All of a sudden she is hungry even though we ate before we left.  Intermission!  Thank god! 

We take them for a walk to the other side of the arena and back to blow off steam.  My daughter uses the potty and River, my son sits on my mother’s walker while she pushes him.  We make it back in the show for the second half.  We sit down and my daughter starts whining for cotton candy and popcorn.  Popcorn alone is $10 plus I don’t feel like either item is healthy so I don’t but either one.  I already spent $200 on tickets.  I say no because I don’t want to buy her stuff if I take her out every time.  I don’t want her thinking she can whine her way into getting whatever she wants.  She whines for 20 minutes and I keep telling her to be quiet.  I can see she wants to break my beaded bracelet that I let her wear so I take it away.  Now she is crying so I have to get up and carry both kids out.  I tell her we have to leave because she is crying.  My mom takes my son for a walk while I work on talking to her to see if she’ll calm down enough to go back into the show or if we should leave.  She doesn’t want to leave and cries that she wants to stay.  I tell her she has to stop crying.  She agrees so I go into a different door because I’m embarrassed to sit in our old seats. 

We sit down and she starts whining again that she wants to sit in her old seats.  It continues…and continues.  I finally agree to go to the old seats just to make it through the show.  We walk out and I see my mom.  We make it back to our old seats and sit down.  My son falls completely asleep.  I hold him and my daughter lets me because she sees that he is really asleep.  We somehow make it through the show and it’s over.  I have to carry my son out and hold my daughter’s hand.  My mom walks out with her walker.  I’m dying because my son is really heavy.  My mom gets lost but I keep moving because my arms are going to break.  I race back to the car and check my phone.  My mom sent me a text asking me where I am and that she is hurting.  I pick her up and drive home. 

My daughter wants Mexican food but I have to run to teach a yoga class or I’ll be late for work.  We call their dad.  He said he already ate and that he’ll make them dinner at home.  She whines for Mexican food for 20 minutes.  I tell her I have to go to work and she has to talk to her daddy.  Honestly, I was really wishing I had help.  I will wait a year or 2 before I take them to something like this again.  I also don’t want to go without help.  I was trying to stay calm but honestly I was really overwhelmed.  I knew that they might be a little challenging but I didn’t think it would be so hard.  They did get to enjoy some of the show.  I was hoping to inspire their creativity and encourage my daughter with her gymnastics.  I wanted my mom to have a nice time at a show because she almost never leaves the house.  As I’m driving home I think, “there’s no place like home”.  I drop everyone off and go to work and somehow compose myself enough to teach a serene yoga class.  

Who knew being a parent could be so tough?  The kids stay at their dads house and I go home and watch a Gary Zukav video on Overwhelm.  He says you have to find the source, like why did I feel the need to take my kids to this show?  He teaches how to stay calm in all situations so that overwhelm never overwhelms you.  I can’t control things outside of myself.  He teaches how to find your authentic power by not letting the things outside of your control impact your emotions.   This was my overwhelming practice for the day to find my inner peace through the chaos.  I pass out early!  I love my pillow!  To all the parents out there…does this ever happen to you?  How do you do it?  How do you find your calm when you feel overwhelmed?  Let’s be there for each other.  Yes sometimes, I need help.  I’m not perfect but I’m trying my best.