Hello beautiful people,
I have been so busy with getting my kids to school, construction in the house, relatives visiting my dad, dealing with my father's illness and visiting a festival. I am just getting back to writing again with some fresh inspiration. I was able to meditate again in my pool house right after I dropped off my kids. It was settling. I feel calm. I don't always feel calm, just so you know, especially with the hustle of getting my kids to school on time and running into issues like they left their shoes at daddy's house and they have to wear an old pair that is tight. It's a crisis for the kids and I try not to let it get to me but it did this morning, just for a moment. Needless to say meditating was a pleasure and it reels me back.
I recently went online to start dating again. Let's face it, I work in a yoga studio around women all day and when I'm not doing that then I'm with my kids. I decided to go online. I have dated online a few times and each time I've gotten a little more comfortable with it. The first time that I was online, I had negative feelings like, "I'm a loser for doing this" or "I feel pathetic, why doesn't anyone want me" or "I must be desperate". I'm here to tell you that all this simply isn't true. We live in a busy world where people spend a lot of time at work. If they are not working then they may be with their families. Life gets even busier if you have kids. We would have to become experts at introducing ourselves to strangers at the grocery store or some place like that to break out of our circles. Yes, obviously meetups are helpful. Any situation that puts you in front of new people helps. If you feel uncomfortable then I encourage you to embrace it. Do it more so that you can challenge yourself out of your comfort zone. The soul wants to grow so learn to face your fears. For me I learned to face online dating. I think there are lots of people alone and we simply don't know who is out there, so put yourself out there. Take a risk and see what happens! Yes you may have to filter through some people but if you are not meeting new people on a regular basis then you might want to consider going online. While in the process of online dating I learned a few tips that may help you in the future. Here they are:
Tip #1: Make sure the person is really single, available or you know the status of their situation and are ok with it.
Sometimes people are separated but not legally divorced yet. Yes this shouldn't matter for the most part but the ex can make it difficult for you for your new budding relationship. When legal finances are on the line, I recommend waiting until someone is legally separated. Save yourself some heartache and don't be afraid to ask the tough questions. Also, some people are in open relationships online. Ask and get involved if you are still interested. Simply make sure you know what you are getting involved in. Communication is king. Ideally, it is attractive to for me to see that someone isn't afraid to be alone for a short period of time to heal after their last relationship. It shows me that they are whole, independent and they've had some time to work on healing their hearts. It also tells me that if they have some fear then they are not going to go running back to their ex.
Tip #2: Make sure the person really exists. Don't get Catfished!
There are people who go online using fake photos and or they are still married and looking to get off on a phone sex relationship but if you actually ask to meet up then they will never meet up with you. The technical definition is :
Catfished: lure (someone) into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona.
It's easy to think that when you have a texting relationship that you know someone. You don't and you won't until you actually meet them. There is something about actually meeting someone and looking them in the eyes that tells me if they are a sincere person or not. Let's face it, if someone has shame or fear about something then they won't tell you the truth. They are scared. You have to be a little bit of a detective to filter through people to see who is really available and honest. I personally like to meet up right away. It tells me if it is convenient enough to meet up with them and if they are a real person. It will also tell you if they really look like their photos!
Tip #3: Ask for a recent photo!
Lot's of people use photos that are 10 to 15+ years old. It seems obvious to put a recent photo but many people don't. They don't especially if they gained weight or went gray or some other reason. It's simple enough to ask so you don't waste your time.
Tip #4: Make sure they have a job and can take care of themself
There are some people who say they are in between jobs. Lots of time can go by and they may still be in between jobs. You don't want to be taking care of someone else. Life is hard enough. Ideally you would like to be running with someone in life verses carrying them. If they have financial problems then it is a sign of a spiritual problem that they may feel like they are not worth it. They also may be supported by their parents and while they may say they want a future with you, the chances of them leaving that comfortable nest egg at home is rare. If you want a partner then you have to talk about finances as tough as it may be.
Tip #5: If they have children make sure they have an amicable relationship with the mother
You may be thinking they are an ex, who cares. Well it won't matter much until they are passing the kids back and forth between houses and the children report about how their visit went. I personally found myself in a situation where the guy ended things because the baby mama was jealous that their child had a blast with my children. All of a sudden this guys court hearings for child support are more demanding and he asks for space for things to "blow over". I also know friends who are in relationships and their partner's ex's are trying to make their lives miserable. I'm not saying don't get involved in this type of situation if you really love someone but make sure you are aware of what's going on. It may save you some time.
Tip #6: Don't go for addicts
It is hard to meet someone who has absolutely no addictions like coffee but definitely stay away from alcohol and drug abuse. If you don't do it and they do then there is a good chance that it will drag you down with them. If they are using their addictions to comfort themselves then maybe they are not a truly happy person. Addictions are a spiritual problem and it says that their soul is wounded. I'm not saying that these people don't deserve and need help but you may be better off waiting until they deal with their issues before getting involved.
Tip #7: Look for people who have done some work to heal their soul and do the same
Finding a mentally stable person is not as easy as it sounds. People hide their pain and for good reason, people are wickedly judgmental. In a perfect world you would meet someone who has done a self study of some kind to raise their vibration. If they know anything about meditating or higher consciousness then you are know they are a more grounded person. Unfortunately self work means that you have to do the work yourself! No one can do it for you because you have to go inside. Only you know your pains. Only you know the things that make you feel hurt, fearful or shameful. Only you know the grudges you are holding and the people that you have not forgiven yet. What have you done to be the best person that you can possibly be? Now look for someone who has done the same.
Tip #8: Don't be afraid to say no thank you
If you are not interested in someone then it should be that simple. You shouldn't have to come up with a million excuses to explain yourself. Don't worry about being a people pleaser, even if you really like someone as a friend. If there are no romantic feelings there then there aren't. Don't deny your truth and allow yourself to have healthy boundaries.
I wish you all the best on your searches for love. I hope this helps and of course I would love to know your online dating tips, do's and don't as this topic fascinates me. Who doesn't really want to be seen, known and loved unconditionally? We all want to be loved and I think you all deserve it. Now for the fun part, how to match yourself up with the best fit/person for your life. Follow your joy. Life is supposed to be blissful. Find someone who wants to share this blissful journey with you. Much peace, love and light! I love you all:)
Hello beautiful people, This is my health blog designed to encourage you to live your best life. Hopefully my experiences will positively influence your life somehow!