I finished my 30 day meditation project and I'm looking for what's next. Well, I discovered through that project that I like daily writing and I want to continue. I also discovered that right after my meditation project that I stopped meditating all together. In efforts to create some sort of ritual, I am now creating my blog. I like the process of meditating before I write for about 30 minutes simply to listen to my thoughts. What is coming up?
Today I woke up at 3am because I had a nightmare and I couldn't go back to sleep. I dreamed that I was playing out by my pool with my two kids having fun. I was working on something and was pre-occupied. My 6 year old daughter was swimming with a friend in the pool and I felt safe, like if anything happened then I would hear screams, splashing or something like that. In my dream, my 3 year old son fell into the pool and was drowning. I was busy doing some kind of work, it was hard to tell in the dream and my daughter or her friend didn't know anything was wrong. A few years back I was at a kiddie play date and the pool was filled with kids and adults. A mom yelled to me to grab her child. I looked over and saw that her child was drowning for real. They weren't under water for long thank god but it really scared me because it was happening right next to me and I didn't notice and I assumed that kids who couldn't swim would have floaties on. I also didn't notice because it was silent the whole time it happened. You think that a drowning will be loud with lots of splashing but many times it happens under water and you can't hear a thing. Back to my dream, I picked my son out of the water and my daughter said he was under water 7 minutes. I was trying to burp him to get him to cough up water but he didn't move. I was about to do CPR because I remembered how to do it for small children in a class I took and I woke up in a panic. I had to go into my kids bedroom to check on them. They were sleeping peaceful like two beautiful angels. I am so blessed to have them in my life! They are so sweet and innocent and I'm doing everything I can to love them and parent them as best I can. Why do we as parents even have scary dreams like that? Has this ever happened to you? I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. I gave up and watched business videos and then did a 30 minute meditation.
It's New Year's Eve and I wonder if I'll even be up for New Year's Eve now since I woke up so darn early and couldn't sleep. I have plans to go to a new friend's house for a kiddie New Year's Eve playdate. I'm always excited to do playdates with my kids because they really love playing with other kids toys and getting to know other children. They are happy and I'm happy.
After I woke up I was watching videos on creating a business. Tomorrow is Jan 1, 2019 and I'm thinking of goals for the New Year and rituals, routines or schedules to do that. What changes in my life do I need to make in order to make this successful? I already know that I have an intense passion for health. My parents are both very sick and I watched my mother suffer since I was 17 with severe Crohn's disease to the point where she eventually opted to cut her whole large intestine out. She now has a colectomy bag and has developed kidney stones, Parkinson's Disease and Edema. My dad, who was the smartest person that I knew now has Alzheimer's Disease. I also suffered from Eczema and Chronic Sinusitis and my ex-husband had Lyme's Disease for 2 years before we discovered natural health.
All of this impacted me in a way that I can't describe. In a way it was a blessing because it motivated me to learn how to take care of myself. I learned how to take excellent care of my body through healthy eating and yoga. I'm in the middle of a yoga teacher training and now I am healing my soul from past pains in life. Other people might call it shadow work. I've been looking into my dark side so that I can heal my fears that have been holding me back in life from coming into the fullest expression of myself. I have been through so much and I have learned so much and I want to write a book on my experiences to help others. This blog is the beginning of my writing ritual so that I can eventually write a book about healing. It's an effort to flush out my ideas because I have so many of them and they seem to lack some organization. It's also exciting at the same time because I know my passion and I'm beginning to flush out ideas for the new year.
I plan to simplify my life this New Year in order to help me achieve these goals. A big thing that I have been working on is selling my house and downsizing. I currently live in a 3 bedroom 2 bath home alone with 2 kids on .7 acres. The maintenance of a home being a single mother has been distracting for me. I am trying to create a business and I have an older home that requires a lot of maintenance and it's taking my time away from other things that I want to work on. An example is that I heard something in my walls late at night. I had a pest control come and for 3 weeks we thought it was a rats but caught nothing on the rat traps. Finally we caught a baby squirrel. I pay to have the holes sealed up and the trappings and now I have to thing about cutting my trees back away from the house because squirrels can jump up to 15 feet! Crazy. In the process, the pest guy stepped on the drywall at my house that had to get repaired and he also found a roof leak where I used to have a satellite dish. I had a friend take it down and they used silicone to patch up the holes except silicone breaks down in the heat and they needed to use tar. I had another repair guy come to check out the roof. He said he hurt his back but wanted a picture of the roof. His wife offered to go up into my roof and take the photo. She climbed up the ladder and her foot slipped off one of the rafters and she fell through the ceiling in my garage! OMG! Seriously, there are times I wish my life was boring. She landed on the garage door, thank god, or she would have landed all the way on the garage floor. I raced up the attic ladder so fast to help this lady. Now I have to fix a hole in the ceiling of my garage. All this stuff is taking up my time on projects that I don't want to work on. I want to work on my business. Simplifying my life will help all that. I have to finish taking care of any repairs but after that, I want this place sold so I can move on with my life.
I have also been working on mending relationships with people who have been dear to me. How do things get messed up in the first place with people we love? I really do love the people in my life so much and I want them to know they are important to me. I've been working on myself, my fears and trying to resolve my responsibility in how things got messed up and move on from there. It has been incredibly healing for me to do this work. It's also been very humbling. At the end of the day, I would rather be humble and happy than right.
Anyway, that's it for today. Do you set goals for the New Year? Is there anything in your life that you need to heal? Your body, mind or spirit? I encourage you to look within yourself and begin your healing journey, especially for the New Year. Write down some goals...how can you live a better life? I once did a training that allowed for three things that you wanted to change or could improve and three things that you did well. This kept things positive as it's easy to only look at what we did wrong but it's also important to recognize our successes as well. I wish each and every one of you a blessed New Year's Eve. Much love.