Today I drop off my daughter at school and go to the lake and meditate on the pier. The wind blows ripples in the water and the sunlight shines down on the water painting waves that seem to smile at me. I squint my eyes a little and think about the book Siddhartha and the water laughing at me. I sit on the bench and meditate. This is after a very very intense yoga teacher training weekend. Many breakthoughs happen. I recognize old wounds buried deep that have never healed and reconnect with relationships that have been broken. So much healing happened and so much more is coming. As I meditate I burst into tears like 3 or 4 times. I finally feel the pain of the past that I stuffed down an avoided through alcohol, keeping busy or some other avoidance mechanism. Grief. I didn't realize how deep the wounds were. Every tear that rolls off my cheek is a relief, a release. Finally I get to move through my wounds, deal with them, create awareness and let them go. A warm wind breezes past my face and I feel the warm Florida sun heat up my face and body. It feels like nature is hugging me and telling me that everything is going to be ok. Life is just beginning, joy is in my heart. Yesterday I went to a Kundalini meditation and sang and chanted my heart out with 2 beautiful friends. The room was vibrating at such a high level of joy, while we sang to the divine. Liquid consonants buzz in our mouths and vowels roll over out tongues. The energy was so powerful that everyone was swaying and thumping with the music. I smile as I reminisce about the amazing time that I had the night before. Connecting with the divine becomes one of my top priorities in life because through that alignment is a life of bliss. I think about creating more of those memories for myself and how to create a life full of that joy. I grieve over all the anger that I had for so long and think that life can be lived with happiness and I'm starting to learn how. This time it is more authentic, more powerful, more real because of my awareness. I've been humbled as I feel like God has brought me to my knees and pierced my heart.
My meditation is over, I look around, stretch, pick up my things and walk back to my car. Yes, I think I can love to meditate.