Hello everyone, today I can't sleep well and I wake up at 5:30am. I actually love and hate when I wake up early like this. I had a glass and a half of wine yesterday and that usually messes up my sleep pretty consistently. Why do I even have it? Ugh. Yesterday I was feeling a lot of stress. I find out that my yoga studio no longer wants to host massage or thai yoga or acupuncture services. I no longer have a studio supporting my thai yoga work or a place to practice with clients. Now what... This all happened because the acupuncturist at the studio was charged with sexual battery to a minor at the studio. The owner, due to liability took away all the services and is changing the back room into a gym with weights. I completely understand and respect her decisions but what does that mean for me? How do I proceed? I can have a mobile thai yoga service. I can seek out other locations. I can rent a space on my own. I've also had beautiful friends offer their spare room for me. I feel the love and support from my students in my yoga room. I'm so blessed to be able to have a presence with all of these people. I feel the love from all of them and I love them back. It's really a beautiful thing that makes me so happy.
Back to meditation, I wake up early and go outside on the lanai to avoid waking up the dogs, children, Darrel. The lanai is gross. The roof leaks water and the table, chairs and floor are covered with a thin layer of dirt. I brush off one chair and sit. I do like breathing in fresh air. I want the windows on the house more open to get more fresh air in the house. I want clean air. I fall into the meditation. It's dark outside. I live in a subdivision and I notice a rooster crowing. Who has a rooster in this subdivision, lol? I hear the occasional dog bark and the rustle of a squirrel. Meditate. I fall into a dream like state. I think of all the things that happened at the studio. My encounter with all the people there. I think of the future and what my next steps should be. When I came home yesterday my son was watching Ghost Busters with his daddy and he was having so much fun. I could hear him with his soprano scream at the ghosts and envision him kicking his legs. He was starving for my attention. Yesterday as the movie credits roll I pick him up and we dance and laugh and rub noses. The love that I feel for him is incredible. There are times when I'm trying to get things done and the children have needs and interrupt and I get frustrated because I have to balance both. Because of this, I make a point to really connect with my children. Maybe not all day but for a time. We play monster in the house and I chase them all over the place while they scream and run. My little girl giggles and dances to Ghost Busters and after she practices her singing for her Sassy Lassies singing class. We have so much fun together and I notice that when I stop and really be present with them that I absolutely love being with them. They are so amazing, so loving, so innocent and so playful. I want to play more in life. I want to feel that joy all the time. How do you do that and take care of responsibilities at the same time. Now that I have no place to do my thai work, I think how does this affect me? Are there good changes that can happen out of it where I can make more money and work a little less hard so I have more time for these two beautiful angels of mine. I have anxiety a lot of the time when I'm with them thinking how can I make money to give them a nicer life. God. Are you there? Please help. What should I do? What are my next steps? Please hold my hand and show me the way.
That's it beautiful people. Another sliver of my heart. I love you all so much and thank you for listening.