Hello my lovelies,
Wow, I am almost finished with my 30 day meditation challenge. I have to admit it was super hard for me to start this project but as I continue, I see the value of having a regular practice. I will continue on but not sure how that will take shape yet.
Today I sit at my kitchen table while I meditate. I love that the back of my house is covered with windows overlooking nature. My kitchen table is at one of these windows and I sit facing the windows. I close my eyes and go off to la la land.
Many things come up. To begin, I was working an event at Nieman Marcus the other day and my friend got a lot of garlicky food for us for lunch. Garlic is anti-parasitical. At the end of the day I felt a string hanging off my thong. I reached down and grabbed it and looked. I was holding a parasite! AAAAAAAhHHHHHH! This was a round worm called ascaris lumbricoides. OMG, I never even believed this stuff was real! I saw this in dogs that I've taken care of but never heard of it in a human. I traveled overseas a lot within the past 2 years and I have taken care of a lot of dogs and these are two possible places that I could have gotten it. It's usually comes from dirty water, food or soil. Yuck! I didn't even know I had it and who knows how long it was there. They can live up to 2 years inside of you and who knows if they reproduced. They live in the small intestine right where the stomach lets out food. A common symptom is a feeling of hunger even though you eat a lot leaving you feeling bloated. The reason being that the worms are eating your food. I take 400 mg of Albendazole. I'm usually anti-pharmaceuticals but I asked my natural hygiene mentor about it and even he recommended prescription drugs and I think this is an emergency! I also take anti-parasite tinctures, tons of garlic and cinnamon. I'm freaked out but in a way relieved because I know why I had this bloated feeling and I can take care of it now. I continuously am surprised by the things that happen in my life. I could have never anticipated this. I'm simply thankful to have discovered what is wrong and having the means to rectify it.
My next thought jumps to my little girl. I'm struggling with this parenting thing sometimes. She is 6 and very strong willed. The other day I was at Lucky's at the checkout and she had to go to the bathroom. I'm frustrated because she wouldn't go when we first walked in and all went together and now I'm at the checkout line with all my stuff on the conveyor belt and she has to pee bad. I tell her to go and have to trust that she can make it through the store alone. I wait with my 3 year old and continue to finish the checkout. He asks to sit in the front of the cart where my 6 year old was sitting. Sure I think. I finish the checkout and find my girl and we walk out of the store. My daughter wants to sit back in the front of the cart now my son wants to stay seated at the front of the cart and she throws a full out tantrum. I tell her the car is right here it's only a short walk or I can put her in the cart. She refuses. I start walking and she follows crying but at a distance. I feel a little stuck because my hands are full and I have my son. If only I can drop this off then I can get her I think. I drop off the groceries and my son in the car and I walk back to get my daughter who has decided to take a seat in the middle of the parking lot. I'm pretty mad at this point because I'm worried about her. I tell her to get in the car and she cries, "I only wanted to sit in the cart". I go to pick her up and she runs away from me. She runs towards the car and I chase her. She runs really fast. I change directions and try to trick her. We are circling the car at this point and my little athletic daughter is out running me and won't get in the car. We look absolutely ridiculous and I'm really mad now. I have to trick her and say let's talk and she finally calms down. I get close to her and I'm able to lunge towards her and pick her up and put her in the car. I yell at her to never run in the parking lot like that because she is little and can get hit by a car. I lose my yogi mind for a moment and then I'm perplexed. How could I have handled this differently? We go to Discount Tires to get my tire fixed and the whole time she wants to sit by me and be close to me. I think, what was her unmet need? Why wouldn't she listen? Why is she being so stubborn about something so trivial? The only thing I can think of is that she wants her mommies love and attention. I reach around her and give her a big hug and tell her I love her. She softens. I love her so much but I am challenged and I think to myself, she is only 6, I am in trouble. How can I deal with these situations in the healthiest way? I don't always want to give her what she wants because sometimes I have to say no and I need her to listen. Ugh.
My little boy is the opposite. He is a super introvert, quiet, extremely sensitive and very bashful. I think, how can I give him some of my daughter's bold. Overall, I'm so blessed to have these beautiful babies. We go home and make Ginger Bread houses and the whole time they are trying to please me. I think, how can I soften? How can I be a better mom?
Finally I think about how disconnected our society is and how this disconnect is only creating separation which leaves us feeling alone. After working a full day of thai yoga at Nieman Marcus, I don't get one person on my mat that isn't in some kind of physical or emotional pain. We need to be there for each other. We need to be kind and loving and compassionate. As far as I'm concerned, we are all innocent trying our best to navigate ourselves through this world. The more we hide our feelings, pain and tramas the more we carry our wounds around with us. We need to be heard. We need unconditional love and we need to be able to process our feelings somehow. At the Woodstock fruit festival in New York we did something called Circling where everyone opens up about something that is weighing heavy on our minds. This way we all see that we all have things to deal with. We all open up and become vulnerable and we all come together with compassion and support for each other. However you can find a circling group, I encourage you to find it. If we are all really One and if the world is truly an abundant place then the more we raise each other up the better off the collective whole. Sometimes a person who does something that we would judge as bad needs help more than punishment. Let's be there for each other in a way where we aren't looking to get something out of it. We do it because there isn't enough love in the world. How many of us can honestly say, yes I have enough love in my life? If you don't then think of ways that you can give it without expecting anything in return. Just my thoughts. From one healer, hoping that you all become a healer of some sorts in your own circle of influence. Most importantly I hope you all look deep within to heal any anger, trama, resentment or pain that you have. How can you find forgiveness? How can you let that energy go so that creative energy can flow through you?
The buzzer rings, my fingers and toes are freezing in the chilly Florida December weather. Time to run to Yin class with my mentor and dear friend. Goodbye my lovelies. Share the love.