Hello Beautiful People!
How are all you doing today? Yesterday I went to a group Reiki Healing. It was awesome. I walked into my friend Kolleen's house, a Reiki teacher as she was hosting a group healing. There were about 10 people sitting around the kitchen table filled with food. Everyone was talking and going one by one opening up about what brought them there. I was a Reiki virgin and Kolleen didn't want me to say much because she knew I was going through a lot with my family and she wanted to see if the group could pick up on anything. Somehow I was drawn to this group as healing was calling my name. She has a front room filled with chimes on the ceiling, a massage table, a bench, crystal singing bowls, a big mirror and all sorts of metaphysical decorations. Her house is peppered with energy related garb which kept my eyes wandering from one object to the next. Everything has a meaning in this house. We turned off the lights in the Reiki room except for white Christmas lights around the singing bowls.
Before we begin all the healers find different ways to protect their energy. I imagine I have a puffy white hairy padding all over my body. The first person for a Reiki healing layed down on the massage table. Kolleen then proceeded to hold a pendulum over the persons body starting with the feet and then scanning the full body to see where energy was being blocked. If the pendulum for her turned counter clockwise then all was good and if not then we needed to work on that part of the body. Once she was done everyone began. She started ringing the different singing bowls which corresponded to different chakras. I was sitting on the bench observing and then someone told me to join in and hold my hands up. I found myself wanting to touch the person in unusual places, like I wrapped my hands around her throat. Right as I did this I felt like I could see a bear in her. Her whole face became a bear and I had an insight that she was repressing a lot of anger, like a bear and she needed to voice it. Then I moved my hands to her eyes while everyone else was working on all different parts of her body removing negative energy. I stood at the top of her head, spread my fingers wide and lightly pressed my palms over her eyes. As I did this I felt like I was invoking the ability to see things as they really are instead of what she perceives. Then I wanted to press her left trapezius which is her feminine side. Maybe she needed to embrace her feminine? I pressed with one hand while the other hand was pulling the negative energy out of her and then I would throw it away. "Holy Shit", Kolleen says, the energy is very powerful for her. She has to leave and open the front door to throw away the energy and then she lights sage. The session is over and we have a mini discussion about all of our experience.
Everyone leaves the room and then a new person goes in to lay on the Reiki table. We all wear our energy protection and go back in. As we are doing this I have flashbacks to my childhood. I used to go to sleepovers with my girlfriends and at night we would do energy work on each other. We would play with the Ouija board, spelling words from other spirits. We would lift each other up with one finger by everyone gathering around our friend laying down and say "Light as a feather, Stiff as a board". We also would hold onto a pillow and rock back and forth while we fell into a trance and the other friend would try to take the pillow away and we would have another force preventing us from letting go of that pillow. It was great fun. I jump back to the Reiki room and I see adults playing like children sending love and healing energy to the wounds of our friends. This energy is real and somehow as adults we often ignore it. Life gets busy and we often ignore our energy and feelings. As we were doing Reiki, my imagination runs wild with images flashing before me. I saw this guy's inner child yearning for nurturing and protection. His legs needed strong grounding so I worked on his shins rooting them deep into the earth so that nothing could knock him over. He is strong when I am done. Another girl, I feel her pain, her delicate softness and how she needed to be energetically hugged. It was an amazing experience. I have to leave soon so I go next....
Everyone leaves the room, Kolleen throws the energy out the door. I go in alone and get settled on the table. I close my eyes and I fall into myself. I feel Kolleen's energy with the pendulum tracing my body. I'm dying to peek my eyes open and see where the heck that pendulum is swinging. I wish I could see a recording of my session so that I can have an out of body experience and witness all the energy work going on my body. I hear the crystal bowels ringing me deeper into my journey. Someone covers my eyes and everything goes black except for one bright shining white light. Then it's gone and I see a small rainbow aura followed by a golden bright yellow light beaming. It is beautiful. Then everything goes black again and I feel like I'm walking down a dark tunnel and hands are reaching out for me in all directions and they are all trying to take something from me. They all want something and everyone is taking everything I have but somehow I am ok because I died. My energy shifts from fear to fearlessness and I feel an overwhelming joy. I feel like I am so darn lucky. I am going through an incredible amount of turbulence in my life but somehow I am happy and grateful. I have so much. I have two beautiful kids, a beautiful home sanctuary. I've energetically released a lot of anger and pain towards people in my life and I'm doing my best by them. My kids have a loving father who helps me so much. I am surrounded by a loving community of friends all willing to offer a hand, a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I feel lifted. I have this yoga body that allows me to play and move in the most joyful ways, 20 years after I originally fell in love with dance. I get a second chance with my love of movement. I am reminded to play, have fun and have gratitude for all that I have.
When I am done I explain the journey that my Reiki session went on and Kolleen expertly helped me see that I had an energy shift from my old way of thinking as a victim to being super grateful for all that I have. I had a shift in beliefs that freed me from my old chains. I feel bliss from victim to gratitude. One of the Reiki girls tells me that I carry anger in my gallbladder. Yes I used to carry a lot of anger, maybe there is some still buried in there. I used to be able to burn everything down just with my eyes because I was so angry. Somehow that tension and pain left me. It's gone and I'm free, at least for now. I'm super grateful for this incredible and selfless group of Reiki masters. I feel honored that they would invite me to their house because they knew that I was dealing with two sick parents, one with advanced Alzheimer's and the other who is beginning to fall with Parkinson's. Their loving energy gives me strength to go through the storm.
I leave the house and give everyone a hug goodbye. Everyone offers something, help with senior care, you can borrow my Reiki book, hugs and I love you's to strangers who I now share a loving energetic bond. It was a great night. If you haven't tried Reiki then you must. Allow, trust and enjoy the love and healing. Much gratitude beautiful people, we are love. Peace and Light. If you want a Reiki session then let me know and I'll pass on your information to Kolleen. She can do remote sessions as well if you do not live in Clermont.
Hello Beautiful People! I would like to share with you about the second chakra and my experiences with balancing my own. I continue to learn and work through balancing all of my chakras. The word "chakra" in Sanskrit means "wheel" or "disk". It refers to a spiritual energy within the human body, of which there are seven energy wheels, starting at the base of the spine through the crown of your head. Imagine there is an invisible Prana, or life force, spinning energy where matter and consciousness meet which keeps us vibrant, healthy and alive. The wheels correspond to massive nerve centers, major organs as well as our psychological, emotional and spiritual states of being. It is important that our seven main chakras stay open, aligned, fluid and balanced. If there is a blockage, energy cannot flow and we feel stuck or trapped in an energy pattern. The goal is to balance all seven chakras so that we can begin to energetically thrive. Diseases begin energetically through our mental and emotional patterns. If we can energetically change and heal our emotional states in a positive way then we can release negative feelings and emotions which cause our illnesses. We can begin to live a fulfilling life with joy and peace. The present moment unfolds before your eyes as you let go of past hurt and future worries. You begin to feel safe, secure and a sense of belonging in the world.
Let's talk about the second chakra. This is a very cool chakra, they all are really! The second chakra is your sacral chakra and it correlates with your sexual creativity. The color is orange, the key is D, the element is water. Essential oils that are nice for the second chakra are: cardamom, clary sage, neroli, orange, patchouli, rose, sandalwood, yang ylang. It is located in your lower abdomen to navel area. The energy connection to the body is the sexual organs, large intestine, lower vertebrae, pelvis, hip area, appendix and bladder. The chakra relates to our relationships with other people and our need to control our physical environment to some extent. The energy in this chakra enables us to have a sense of personal identity and protective psychological boundaries. The fears associated with this chakra are fear of loss of control, or fear of being controlled by another. The strengths associated with this chakra are the ability to survive financially and physically on one's own and to defend and protect oneself. Here resides the "fight or flight" instinct. The sacred truth of the second chakra is Honor One Another. The purpose of all of our relationships is to become more conscious whether the relationship is casual or more intimate. Much of this information comes from Carolyn Myss's book titled Anatomy of the Spirit. Please check it out if you want to read more.
So my second chakra was out of wack! I have been divorced for two years now but definitely the divorce shook me in ways that I wasn't expecting. I was with my ex for over 10 years and I didn't realize how afraid I was after the separation. My primary fear was fear of survival. I worked with him and his dog training business for most of the time that we were together. I had to decide, would I still be a dog trainer without him? This is a good question to ask yourself if you are with a partner and working together. Are you doing it to help them live out their dream? Would you still be doing this if that person was no longer in your life? I had the classic dream of building a life, a business and a family together. What I didn't realize was that in the process of doing this, I was giving up myself. I was giving up my dreams, my life, my business of choice for the benefit of the family. I wasn't taking care of myself, I was taking care of everyone else. When I shockingly realized this it was like a humble slap in the face. Looking back this seems so obvious but for me I was completely blind sighted by my own denial of the situation. After we separated I found myself angry. I was angry that I was doing everything for the unit and not myself. I was angry that I was coming last and most importantly that I was desperately unhappy. I am a very hard worker and I worked very hard at my classical dream of the life, business, family unit. When everything fell apart I was crushed. I had to let things go and start asking myself, what would I be doing if I was the last person on earth? How would I be spending my time? What is my passions in life? How am I going to start over?
Starting over was a very slow gradual process for me. Yes I could have gone out and gotten any job but I had a strong calling to take a chance and live out the life of my dreams. How can I do this? At the divorce I found myself as a single mom with 2 young children, a 2 year old, a 4 year old and both of my parents were very sick with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. It seemed like my whole world was crashing down on me. My ex was able to move on with new partners where I found myself craving being alone. You would think I would have wanted to move on too, I did, but I found myself with very little time alone to develop my new life. A new partner would take up the little alone time that I had. Yes I would have a partner but I would find myself in the same co-dependent state that I was in before. I wanted real change with real options and results for myself. I sometimes wonder if I made things more painful for myself that they needed to be but either way, I was hurting BAD. I spent the last year of my life alone and in a full out hustle to develop the new life that I wanted to live. I had to focus on my finances to stabilize them with the new business that I was growing. Without financial security, my second chakra would be out of wack.
I found myself doing a lot of visionary work to create this new life that I wanted to live. This started with a 30 day meditation project where I meditated in silence for 30 minutes for 30 days. I was in complete resistance to meditating because I am a do'er and sitting and doing nothing seemed like a complete waste of time for me. Not doing anything and sitting with myself was the best thing that I could do for myself. I found myself wanting to forgive everyone in my life and in the process forgive myself. This incredible healing journey overcame my energetic body and I now live a much different life energetically. I had to shed many tears, completely stop everything and ask God what should I do. I started to listen to everything that was being presented before me. Nothing was an accident, I thought. I started building my business one step at a time. I threw myself into my yoga practice which I am madly in love with and in the process I am developing the body that I always wanted. I made up with my mom whom I was angry with for the past year and a half. It mended my relationships with family and my father who really needed help. I started fixing things that were wrong with my house creating a strong foundation for myself and designing it creatively to accommodate my preferences. For the first time, I am beginning to live the life that I wanted to live. I am starting to feel control over my own environment where I didn't feel that before.
Creatively speaking, alone time is the best time for creative development. I didn't realize how important this was until I had it, used it for creating and was amazed by what was coming out of me. I started expressing myself creatively through my yoga practice. I would spend lots of time looking up the best teachers, going to the best teachers classes, learning, applying and designing the yoga classes that I wanted to take. They weren't being offered anywhere and this was what I had to offer. I have a desire for strength work in my yoga practice with the vinyasa moving meditation and creative choreography. If you haven't come to one of my classes yet then I personally invite you. Please come, share with me, if anything is too difficult then take a child's pose for a moment and continue on when you are ready. I want to meet you and connect. This is the other area of my life that has shifted. I learned how to be more compassionate through my struggles. Now I can really listen to someone and feel deep compassion for their journey. I'm learning that no one has it super easy. Through this compassion, I'm finding my relationships are better. I'm becoming a better friend. I'm not perfect but I'm trying.
Creative writing starting flowing through me. I started by writing about my 30 day meditation project and realized I really like writing. Somehow ideas and words are flowing through my fingers on the keyboard faster than I can physically type them out. This was really cool for me to experience because I never thought of myself as creative before. Then someone said it to me, "You're really creative" and I thought to myself, "Am I?". "Yes!" of course I am! We all are creative! Maybe some of you simply haven't spent enough alone time yet to play and find out where your creative energy lies. Maybe it's in cooking, cleaning, organizing, writing, music, dancing, building a business, anything. We all have something! You have something very unique and special to give to the universe that only you can deliver. Find out what that is! I promise you it is so fulfilling to tap into your creativity. For me, it's how God speaks through me coming up with something more cool and amazing than I could have done on my own.
Finally, my sexuality. I really struggle with talking about this one because I have been open in the past about my life. I found out that people harshly judge you based off your sexuality, if you are a good person or not. For the most part, I am choosing to become a much more private person, protecting myself unless I trust someone. In general, for awhile I was exploring my edges trying to find out what felt comfortable for me. Then I went into the complete opposite, finding myself in seclusion and stopping everything as I wasn't finding what I was looking for. It's been a long time now and I decided to see what's out there once again. I am careful with my time as I don't want anything interfering with my creative alone time but I also realize that I'm lonely and that life is better when you have someone to share it with. As far as sexual expression goes, that takes shape with everything that you choose to wear and how your present yourself. If you want to feel sexy then it could be something as simple as putting on long dangling earrings or perfume. You get to creatively decide how you want to express yourself. I love people who are unique and who break the conservative social rules that seem to take shape nowadays. Life is meant to be expressed uniquely. I invite you to express yourself as I can't think of anything more refreshing than to see the unique beautiful person unfolding before me. You are creative. You are beautiful. You are sexy. Explore it and discover the beautiful treasure within you waiting to be found. I love you all. I don't claim to be a chakra expert but I can show you how they applied to my life. I hope this helps you on your journey to live the life of your dreams! Peace, love, happiness and a balanced second chakra!
Hello beautiful people! Holy cow! The other night I was soundly sleeping in my daughter's bedroom since my house is getting remodeled. I normally close the windows at night except this night my air conditioner goes out because the system needs more freon. I have to wait until tomorrow for the service man to come. It's hot and I can't sleep as comfortably as normal because I'm sweaty. I have to turn the fan on full blast which blows my long hair on my face. I have to pull my hair back, twist it and sleep on it. I finally fall asleep. Now I'm in a deep sleep after at least an hour of tossing and turning until I could finally settle down. It's peaceful. Several hours go by and I am out. All of a sudden I hear loud scream outside along with a purring noise. The screams are frantic and blood curling. They are a loud terror as the animal frantically tries to get away. I'm just on the other side of the screen for my window! Yikes! I hear a noise that sounds like a rolling of the tongue. I think it's a raccoon but I'm not sure. I found baby raccoons in my yard once so I know they are out there. I live across the street from a forest and there is a retention pond behind me so I have wild life around me. The screaming continues and is so panic stricken that I pop out of my bed like a Jack in the Box and look outside. It's really dark and I can't see anything. I turn off my night lights so I can see better. I can't see anything so I go back to lie down. I hear one more final soprano scream followed by bones cracking. Then there is silence. OMG!!!! I'm totally freaking out. It's like 4am. I try to go back to sleep but the adrenaline is pumping. My ears are alert to all the sounds going on outside. I hear slurping as flesh is being torn off the bones. Then I hear a screech as I hear teeth scraping and cracking bones. It takes at least 20 minutes for the animal to eat the other animal. Then I hear nothing and I can finally sleep. All I gotta say is that I'm never gonna want to camp in my backyard with alligators, raccoons and I've seen wild boar out there two times too! Waaaaaaaahhhhhh! This city girl got scared! Sometimes you might think the country is safer and to be honest, I feel safer in the city.
Ok, of course I can't just look at something like it was a random act. Everything happens for a reason in my opinion. I look up raccoons and what this spirit animal means. This is what I found...when you encounter the raccoon symbolism, you are being asked to let go of a situation, person, belief or habit. Go inside and see what is stopping your progress. They can also be a signal to accept the gifts being offered to you by the universe right now. Remember to leave no stone unturned in your quest for resolution with the current problem you are facing. Take time to look at the whole picture as raccoon spirit animals have the ingenuity to resolve the problem. People with the raccoon totem tend to be shy and charismatic at the same time. They are very sociable once they get to know the people around them. These people have an insatiable curiosity. This noises the dangers of what they are exploring. They thrive on new experiences and activities and are excellent problem solvers. This power animals energy displays calm and serene person under pressure. They strategize their responses to chaos. They are tactile and use touch before all other senses.
How in the world does this apply to my life? I do have an insatiable curiosity for the truth. The truth is what drives me for whatever reason. Sometimes the truth is ugly but within the truth lies the answers. Don't be afraid to look at the truth. Yes sometimes I've found myself in a lot of danger while in the quest for the truth. And, when I've found myself in trouble from my seeking, I've been very ingenious in solving the problems. I feel like the universe is guiding me all the time, all I have to do is answer the call. In the meantime, I've been on a path to enlightenment and I've been letting go of lots of beliefs that are no longer working for me. In the process I feel more free, light and fearless. I'm learning to love and let go of control and in the process somehow life has been more beautiful this way. I am naturally super shy but I've learned to get over my shyness and I've learned to be more charismatic sometimes. Right now, it feels like the universe is holding my hand through this scary yet exciting time of my life. I gladly accept all the gifts that I receive right now as I feel like I've also given a lot as well. Peace out my friends. I'm sure I can read into this further but I don't feel a need to. I have all the answers I need. Life is good. I love you! Adios amigos!
I was chatting with a dear friend of mine today and the topic of vision came up. This is something that I've thought about many times as I am attempting to create the life that I want to live. I have been meditating, creating a beautiful home environment and developing solid relationships along my path to help foster this creative process. I have been completely transparent and opening my heart to heal so that I can move past the pain and into the creative process. Creativity is blocked by negative emotions and thought patterns. It's easy to say, "just let that stuff go" and then really doing it. You can say you forgive but how do you really sincerely do it so that it's released from your emotional psyche? For starters you have to get real, really real. Become super honest with yourself and don't be afraid to spend time alone so that you can walk down the healing path. Find any pain that you have and feel it. Feel it so that it can pass you instead of clinging onto it. Feel it so that you can release it once and for all. Release ALL negative feelings about everything. The healing process may take some time so be patient with it. Michael Bernard Beckwith says that the faster you forgive, then the faster your healing process will happen. Next think of anyone that you might have hurt. How can you make amends energetically? A phone call, a message or a meeting to say you are sorry for anything that may have happened can go a long way.
Next release any fear that you may have about anything. Trust that the universe is on your side and replace fear with love. I read that fear is simply false evidence appearing real. There is really nothing to be afraid of. Coming into the present moment helps us drop this fear as we can now get out of the past and the future. I've been watching Eckhart Tolle lately because I've been actively working on a path to enlightenment. I've had laser focus as the storm of my life swirls around me. Somehow by staying centered, staying still, forgiving, softening and simply stopping, the storm is quieting down. I'm find my inner being coming in and out of presence. If I fall into the past or the future then I simply witness it and come back into the presence. I'm finding that I can hold the presence longer and longer with practice. Stay alert to anything that may happen in the present moment. Tap into your senses and create a sharpness to what is going on around you. The more present that you become, the richer and fuller your life becomes and the faster that the universe works with you. Stay open to what may happen in front of you. The universe is working for you all the time. It's simply up to you if you want to start paying attention to the inner guidance that is within you. Pay attention! This is important as this will affect the quality of your life. Believe that you are enough, that you are worth it and that good things can and will happen to you. What is happening in your presence right now?
Begin to cultivate your creativity. When we tap into the present moment then we can start a creative journey. Creativity needs presence. Thought turns into form as if God or the Universe is speaking through you with a greater intelligence than anything that you can come up with on your own. When you create, don't judge, just go with it. Time and practice will refine your creative skills. You may trip, fall, mess up or get criticized when you first begin to create. Keep going. Let your heart guide you through the process allowing the softest most tender parts of your soul to be exposed. The rawness of what you create will be the thing that most attracts people to your projects. An example is that, I took a screenwriting course in Chicago. My teacher said, "Write from your heart. Feel your heart weeping as the words fall onto the page. Write about yourself as you are already familiar with all the wild details of your life. You are already so interesting". If you are not a writer then find how you can put your heart and soul into everything that you make.
Joy can often be your guide through this creative process. When you take a risk you are demonstrating courage. When you find courage then you are overcoming fear and finding an inner happiness that doesn't leave you no matter what is happening in life. What is your passion? If you don't know it then meditate on it. If you still don't know then experiment with life, try things and play. If you continue to play without criticizing yourself then it will happen. This is why it is nice to play with children sometimes. They are so creative and use their imaginations without judgment. My 4 year old and 6 year old interrupted me three times while writing this post for a wrestling/tickle session. Yes it took me a lot longer to get the job done but their giggles free my soul. They are a constant reminder to me to relax, play and laugh.
Now let's apply this to your life. Ask yourself, how do you want your life to look? What does a perfect day look like to you? How much time do you want to spend on your creative projects? Do you want to travel? What do you need to do to allow the vision of your life come into fruition? You can work really hard in life and get nowhere as if you are on a treadmill going nowhere. Things come to you at random. You run around in a million different directions unclear. This affects your ability to make good decisions. When you take the time to become clear about what you want in life then things take faster. Less effort is used and "the way" is shown with a laser like focus. Everything in your life becomes easier. You know you are on the right path when life seems to start to work for you that against you. I have a very successful friend who has it tattooed on his arm to "Try Easier". This inspires me as I often work hard try hard but I have been on that treadmill. Honestly, I'm tired of the treadmill. I want to throw it away and try easier myself. Develop your creativity so that you can envision and design the life of your dreams. It can happen!
To summarize, heal yourself first, drop any fear, develop creativity through presence, ask your heart, find the joy and envision the life of your dreams. Think of all the details and laugh at the wildly fun things that you can think of. Allow yourself to envision the most beautiful, most wonderful, most amazing life that you can think of. Once you are clear, somehow the universe starts to give you answers as you tap into your inner voice. Get quiet and allow the universe to do it's magic. Things are waiting to be born through you. I hope this helps you see that I'm not writing this blog only to cry over the past. I'm writing this blog so that I can heal. I have plans. Creative plans. I am envisioning awesomeness. I can't wait to see what's going to happen next. I am documenting my journey so that you can join this wild ride that I am on! Come with me! I hope this inspires you to find a vision for your life and create your most beautiful life! Much love, light and happiness beautiful people. I love you all!
Wow, I love this Chakra! It resonates with me so much as it was one of the chakras that I needed deep healing. The color of the root chakra is red. It is located at the base of the spine near the coccyx. It is energetically connected to the spinal column, rectum, legs, bones, feet, and immune system. The first chakra is the foundation of emotional and mental health. The first chakra is our base for logic, order and structure. The root chakra is connected to the feminine spirit of the earth known as Gaia. Fear of physical survival, abandonment by the group and loss of physical order start in the root chakra. It's strengths are tribal identity, bonding and the tribal honor code; the support and loyalty that gives one a sense of safety and connection to the physical world. The sacred truth of the root chakra is All Is One.
My roots were completely ripped up out of the ground and I was lost not knowing what to build upon as my foundation wasn't there. It started with a big move. My ex-husband got really sick with Lyme Disease. It efforts to restore his health we moved to Vilcabamba Ecuador, a low cost of living, healthy vegan community for him to rest. We were in the hustle and bustle of life and grew his dog training business to be a successful enterprise. I was a voice-over and commercial actress in the city and that was doing well too. The down side of all this success is that we were working all the time. With an animal business, it is very difficult to get downtime as they need care 24 hours a day. And to top it off, we were newly weds with a newborn baby. I was scared that his lyme disease could become life threatening. He dropped to 150 lbs at 6'3". We sold everything we owned including the business and moved to Ecuador to restore his health which he did. I had some much needed downtime to be a mommy and he got to rest a lot and be surrounded with a like minded community.
When he was feeling better we decided to move back to the US. We chose to come to Florida because my parents were here and they were on a cruise for a few months and we could stay at their house while we looked for a place to live. I wanted help with the baby just in case anything happened to him. I knew I needed at least one other person to help me. My relationship with my parents was strained. My mother was jealous that I went wedding dress shopping one day with her and one day with my mother in law and I chose the dress with my mother in law. It was cheaper and a better dress, it wasn't personal. It kicked off our marriage with a lot of resentment as she sent vicious emails to all my in-laws calling it a Hager dictator take over wedding, calling my father in law a drunk simply for taking a silly picture with my with our tongues to the side and telling my mother in law that she stole a mother's right because of the dress. It got nasty. I was horrified. I felt alone on my special day. Everyone acted cordial the day of the wedding but the awkward tension was there between me and my new husband further rocking my new roots.
When we moved back to Florida we attempted to repair a broken relationship with my parents. After all they were my family and there was a lot of good that happened too. I was pregnant with my second child right when we moved back to Florida. I always wanted babies ever since I was a little girl and I always wanted to share this with my mother. I never imagined all this fighting would happen. My ex-husband didn't like my parents, for obvious reasons. My mother looked at him like a blue collar worker and he was beneath me because he wasn't a doctor or lawyer. It made it almost impossible to get everyone to get along. My son had an accident and cracked his head and my mother called the police and DCFS on me only to complicate things further. There is a long history of family disfunction with the family that I grew up with. The fighting with my parents caused tension with my four brothers and they had their own issues with my parents. At this time my ex and I divorced. I had 2 babies, a 2 year old, a 4 year old. I moved to a new city where I knew no one. I had to start my career over as I was running my ex-husbands dog business with him for 10 years and my parents get fatally sick at only 68 with Alzheimer's disease for my dad and Parkinson's with my mom. I had a boyfriend in the middle of all of this and everything fell apart. Oh my god, what am I going to do? I had anxiety and panic in me like I've never had before. I had to re-invent myself. I had to start over as my roots were completely ripped out of the ground. I was a single mom of 2, no career, no friends and no family in a new town. I was thinking "Thank you God". How much can a person take.
Somehow I walked into One Yoga & Fitness in Clermont, Florida at the height of my personal crisis. I went through the 200 hour yoga teacher training and one month before I graduated the studio owners split up. My ex-husband was invited to teach dog yoga at the other studio and my ex-boyfriend was asked to help out with the build out of the other studio. What do I do? There was some shuffling as I had to decide, who was my tribe? I tried out the other studio and after two months I was back at One Yoga & Fitness with Gina Keefe. Gina & I cried together over the split and I opened my heart to her as I was at a complete loss in my life. She scooped me up like I was her broken baby bird that she had to protect. She emotionally grounded me as she showered me with her love, support and kindness. She never judged me and she started to mentor me one step at a time. She was like another mother for me. She helped me re-build a career, step by tearful step. My other teacher Shelly and Gina helped me mend my relationships with my family and I had to learn about the humbling power of forgiveness. No matter what happened to me with my family or ex-husband, I still loved them. I was hurting. I needed to soften and change. I had to learn that my mother's attacks are really her unhealed wounds and not really her. It was simply a fearful aspect of her personality. I changed the way that I reacted to her to have much more compassion and we were able to mend our relationship. I needed that so bad because I wanted them to know how much I did love them, especially now that they were so sick. I also had to find forgiveness with my ex-husband. He loves my children as much as I do. My ex-husband was simply tired of being picked on and I had to learn to respect his boundaries. We are the parents of two of the most beautiful people that I have ever met in my life, my children. I want them to grow up with love.
Now, I am on my own, alone but somehow I have strength because I took the time to heal my broken root chakra. I am actively building my new business, re-modeling my broken house, mending relationships and creating new friends who are becoming my new family as the one that I had is changing. Never give up hope if you feel like you have been up-rooted. So much beauty comes out of the mess if you lift up your head and move forward. All I can say is that it really helped me that Gina held my hand the whole way through. I have so much love for this studio and as Gina once said, "Yoga changed my life". For me it really did. Much Love & Light to you all. I love you!
When I was in high school I had an insatiable desire to be liked and to be popular. There was a lot of turbulence in my family growing up and I didn't look to my family for emotional support. Instead I looked to my friends for the love and support that I wasn't getting at home. I would think, I hope I'm funny enough, pretty enough, cool enough, enough of whatever it takes to be liked. I would crave this attention so much that I would often sabotage myself in efforts to get one more approval. We all have this desire to connect and to be loved. I was coming from a place of lack instead of a place of abundance.
I'm about to substitute my friend Jenny's yoga class. Jenny is a very popular teacher and I'm finding myself falling back into the insecure feelings of I hope they like me. As I wait outside the room, ready to go in, I hear Chad's TRX class thumping to Footloose. Wait, Rocky just came on. Students are laughing and shouting I love Rocky. I hear Chad shouting workout routines like a drill sergeant and the students grunt, groan and love it. Chad is a very popular teacher. I feel intimidated but then I think why do I have this neediness to have everyone like me? Do I like me? Yes, I do like me! I'm different than these teachers but that's what makes this yoga studio so great. We all have something different to offer. As I'm about to go in, I change my thinking to how can I serve. All my students want to connect otherwise they would be home doing yoga alone. I want to connect with my students and I have to assume that if they showed up that they want to connect with me too. I love my students and I love seeing them grow. Nothing excites me more than to see a miraculous transformation within them in body and mind. Healing, self care, self love excites me because these were things that I needed. If we are truly one, then I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way. There is an abundance of love to go around.
As I sit here waiting, I think about Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. I am anxious about the future. I'm am anxious about a class that hasn't happened yet. In the process, I lose myself in the Now. Along with changing my thinking from I hope they like me to How Can I Serve, I also remind myself that the future is just my thoughts. My thoughts are just a made up story that isn't real. Come into the present moment. My thoughts are meaningless. My thoughts are simply complaints and my not enoughness is what my ego identifies itself with. I can choose to be present and let the ego go. As Eckhart Tolle says, "The essence of now is who you are. Or you fall into a false sense of self if you are not presence. This is the ego with repetitive, unconscious, thought patterns and emotional patterns. Trapped in the story. Wisdom can only be found in no thought. Wisdom comes from stillness. Be aware of the inner energy of the body. Tap into your sense perceptions. A high degree of alertness. Bring in thoughtlessness. Thoughtlessness implies more consciousness. To awaken. The compulsion to think is just a habit." Thanks Eckhart, you make it sound so simple! But that is just it, it is simple. KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid was an old computer programming rule that I learned back in my coding days when I was hired out of school to save the world by fixing the Y2K bug. Keep the anxiety at bay by simply coming into the present moment. Yes I still fall into old habits, but I am developing an awareness to actively change my energy. I hope this also helps you to come into the presence.
I read this blog to the class and it felt like almost immediately my nervousness was released the moment that I made my confession. We did a connection circle where we start in a line and connect with one another by looking into each other's eyes for 10 to 15 seconds and then move to the next student. At the end of the circle two girls were crying. It was touching to see how much others also wanted to connect. I felt the love and warmth of the room. One girl was new to yoga and I kept checking on her as many of the moves were new for her. I was happy to see her working through the awkwardness of doing yoga for the first time. It's not easy to get out of your comfort zone but she was doing it. Go deep into the present moment and find all the love and happiness that you desire. Much Love & Light to you all!
My dad did some amazing things for me. One of them is that he helped me move to Santa Barbara, California. I graduated at 21 years old in Finance from University of Illinois in '97 when there was a big technology boom. I had five job offers as companies were hiring people like crazy. I remember the two best offers were from, EDS and Unisys. With the Unisys job offer, I could live in Chicago, my home town, but I had to travel Monday through Thursday. With the EDS offer, I had to move to the client site and I had to go on their two year system engineer development program. I said I would go with EDS if I liked the city that I was going to move to. They asked me about Kansas City, I said no. They asked me about Detroit, I said no. Finally they asked me about Santa Barbara, CA to work with the clients Delco and Litton. Delco makes turrets for army tanks and Litton makes rockets. EDS, also known as Electronic Data Systems was the company that Ross Perot started. I took the offer in Santa Barbara, CA and I was super excited!!! First thing that I had to do was look it up because I had no idea where it was in California. It was on the beach and I can learn to surf!!!! Hooray! The pictures of Santa Barbara were so beautiful. There was lots of fighting at home especially with my brothers and I was thrilled to get away. Far away. Santa Barbara, CA was over 2000 miles away from home for me.
The problem was how do I move my car there and my stuff? I decided to drive there. "Over my dead body", my dad said. He was afraid for me. "Oh yes I am" I said. I was always super independent. My mom used to call me a GDI, God Damn Independent, because I had no fear. I wanted to see the world and I had a lot of excitement about doing it. "I'm coming with you", my dad said. "Oh dad, you worry about everything", I said. "You have no idea what kind of danger you can fall into", he said. I was so happy! He really did do a lot for me, including driving me to my new home in California. I packed my Honda Accord up with as much as I could fit in the back seat and the trunk and we were off. I said my goodbyes to everyone including that boy that I was in love with in college. We were hugging and crying for a long time before I left. I was young and I wanted to explore. Adventure awaited.
We drove down the long winding driveway waving goodbye and were on the road. I love road trips!
Isn't this the greatest dad? He just nodded his head. He was a good sport and we visited a friend for dinner in St Louis who made us huge steaks. This was before my vegan days. Then we drove some more from there before getting a hotel in Kansas City. We got breakfast and took off right away. All he could talk about was some horrible accounting job assignment that he was put on in Haines, Kansas. We hit the flat lands and saw nothing but tumble weeds for hours. As far as he was concerned, we could flush Kansas down the toilet. He had a crude sense of humor but of course this was only because this part of the drive wasn't as pretty as the rest.
Next we went to see another friend who lived in Gunnison, CO where she went to college. I made my poor dad take the long way with all my stops. I was just so excited to see some things along the way. My friend worked in a bar and we went out all night while my dad went to bed early to prepare for the drive. The next morning I was cursing to myself that I would never drink again as I nursed my hangover with some water while I struggled to sleep on the arm rest trying to hide from the sun. My dad had no mercy to let me sleep in longer, "let's go" he said. He would giggle at my misery. Actually this was the time that he really loved to tease me the most calling me a snake with a huge giggle. Next he wanted to go the four corners in the US. It's where you can lay down and put one arm in one state and the other arm in the other state and one leg in a different state and the other leg in a different state. You have 4 body parts in four different states. You snap a photo and hit the road. We saw some beautiful colored rock formations in Arizona and spent the night in the Arizona desert. When we woke up we through Monument Valley. I was loving out trip.
Of course we had to stop at the Grand Canyon on the way. When am I ever going to be in this area again dad? He agreed and we went. When we got to the Canyon, he told me about a joke where you could jump down from one rock to another and it would look like you were falling into the canyon. I thought this was hilarious so we took a bunch of pictures together "falling" into the canyon. He couldn't handle watching me pretend to fall into the canyon any longer and walked back to the car. "What's going on dad" I asked. He said that he loved me too much and he couldn't stand the thought of me really falling into that canyon and getting hurt. I stopped joking and we take off. He has a real soft tender side to him. This was the part that I loved the most.
Before you know it we were in the Mojave Desert in the middle of the afternoon in summer. There is absolutely nothing to look at for hours and hours. "Are we there yet?" I kept thinking. They had call boxes every mile or so because so many cars break down in the desert. "That will never happen to me", I thought. Putt, putt, putt...my car breaks down in the middle of the Mojave Desert! My dad was right in that dangerous stuff could happen and it did. We walk to a call box as it was pre-cell phones. "Watch out for rattle snakes" he said! "OMG, I'm going to die" I said. He just laughed his silly laugh. Ugh, we were so close!!! The tow truck driver picks us up and all three of us had to squish into the front of his truck. He towed my Honda to a mechanic in Barstow, CA. On the drive there he was telling us about his other job as a mortician and all about embalming bodies. Yikes!!!!! He talked frankly about it as if it was no big deal. Normally I wouldn't have been scared by this but the fact that we were stranded in the desert listening to the details of a morticians job was scary. My poor dad, the things I put him through.
We made it back to Barstow where we dropped my car off at a mechanic. We had to stay at the hotel next door. It was crazy. We thought it would be a simple fix. My ignitor coils melted. The mechanic needed parts but had to go to LA to get them. We stayed in the hotel for about three nights waiting and then said let's get a rental car and go. So we get a rental car and drive the rest of the way to Santa Barbara. I had to get to work on time and I spent too much time on the road. I didn't want to miss my first day. My mom flew out and picked up the part they needed in LA then drove out to Barstow and gave the mechanic the part. "Here, fix it now" she said. She was upset and felt it was a scam to get you to stay at the hotels and use a rental car longer. Then she drove my car the rest of the way to Santa Barbara, CA. My mom saved the day.
My parents dropped me off at the most adorable beach hotel with a big sunflower room with kitchenette two blocks from the beach. The company was paying for me to stay there for a month until I found a rental. Santa Barbara, CA lived up to its gorgeous reputation. In my opinion, it is the most beautiful city in California. It has the only east west mountain range in the state of California, blocking the smog from LA. The city is on the ocean and the Santa Ynez mountains are right behind you. I ended up renting a room from a rooms for rent ad and started my first job out of college at EDS at 21 in Santa Barbara, CA. I can't believe I'm here, I would think. This place is like a dream come true. And it was, for awhile. I have to offer huge gratitude to my parents who helped me so much with this move. They were the best. There were lots of happy moments. This was one of them. Santa Barbara was a Spanish city with white buildings, red tile roofs and flowers everywhere. It has the best sunsets and the most beautiful downtown with outdoor malls, plazas and yummy restaurants. I was in heaven! Much, peace, love and happiness you all. Does this remind you of any road trips? I hope it brings back fond memories!
I started writing when I was 18 years old when I was in college at the University of Illinois. I fell madly in love with a boy from my high school who went to the University of Iowa, 4 hours away. It was a time before cell phones and dormitory life. There was so much to do at the University that I didn't spend much time in my room which made it hard to coordinate phone calls. We literally had to make appointments to talk. Another way that we shared our love for each other was through love letters. I was so completely caught off guard with falling for this guy. I dated but I didn't have the deep feelings like I had for this one. We didn't try, it just happened. He sent me the first love letter and I was giddy beyond belief skipping around twirling my "I Dream of Jeannie" high pony tail. It was amazing how his words could light me up like a Christmas tree star. In his first letter he told me how special I was. This may seem like a simple thing to say to someone but at this time in my life, he had no idea how much this meant to me. Nobody ever told me that besides my parents before. I would hug the letters, smell his cologne and re-read them like they were the most precious pieces of paper that I have ever touched.
I would read them to my roommate as we would giggle with joy after each loving word. I would throw myself down on my pillow holding the letters to my heart saying his name, over and over again in a soft whisper. "You lucky bitch", my roommate would say. She made me laugh so hard. I had the best roommate ever who was just as excited as I was with each new letter. I began to write him back. I was never so open and vulnerable. It was so fun to tell someone how much they meant to you and it be mutual. I started to get more creative with the letters by changing colors of my markers with each new sentence. I added perfume and I kissed each envelope with gobs of red lipstick. I decorated the envelopes with sparkly puffy paint that took a whole night to dry and then I would flip it over and puffy paint the other side. These were some of the most colorful, sparkly, smelly letters that I have ever scene. He would write me back with something even more sweet. Before I knew it we were making cassette tapes for each other with our favorite love songs on them and sending them in the letters along with dried up roses. He was my baby and I told him this all the time.
I really loved him so much. I couldn't stop laughing whenever I was with him. He would somehow borrow a car and drive down during the craziest snow blizzards just to see me for one night. I couldn't believe someone would do all this just for me. We would stay up all night not wanting to waste a single minute. It was tricky in that I had a roommate. We would hang out at the bars as late as they stayed open and then we would make out in the dorm lounge all night. I would try to stay out of my dorm room until the morning. There was a serious lack of privacy most of the time that we dated. It seemed impossible to be alone with him but when we were, it was magical.
He used to surprise visit me. There would be times where I couldn't see him for 6 weeks and I would be walking down the quad and would see a Detroit Tigers hat with this duck tape on the back just like his hat. I would stop dead in my tracks while he would jump out of a bush. I would scream and hug him and cry. I missed him so much. He surprised me many times. One time I just got out of the shower and he called and he said hang on. So I did. I was at my sorority house where my room was on a floor with nothing but other female only dorm rooms. I hear a knock on my door and he burst into the room. "Surprise", he would run in with a handful of balloons, flowers, hugs and kisses. I completely fell over on the bed screaming with shock. He always got me. I was never prepared for his surprises as he was very creative. He would laugh and laugh and laugh and I would laugh too. He was hilariously fun. Of course we had no place to stay so I had to sneak him into the sorority house at night. He showered there in the middle of the night wearing my robe and towel on his head. He just needed to hide his hairy chest! At least I had a private room while my roommate slept in the dorm room filled with bunk beds.
I wish we could have gone to the same schools. Transferring was not an option for me as my parents refused to pay an out of state tuition. They also wanted me to graduate in 4 years and there was a lot of pressure to finish on time. I was happy to be in school as my home life was at the height of fighting. I wanted to do anything to stay away from home. This also created more issues because during summer breaks we had an opportunity to be together in our home town but I wanted to stay in summer school over going home again. He stayed with me one summer and it was a blast living with him. I felt like a real adult, playing house with him, making meals together. The distance wore on us over time but the love letters kept our college romance alive. We did every romantic thing you could imagine. I didn't even know I liked romance so much until it was happening and we were creatively coming up with more and more romantic things. I openly admitted that I was cheesy. I often said I was like cheese whiz! I could write about this forever.
One time I made him a candle lite dinner in a hotel room with flowers, beautiful music and a homemade meal. I made the dinner in my sorority kitchen the night before. I pre-made everything including the salad with salad dressing. I made every cooking mistake you could think of. He politely ate my droopy lettuce and I pretended like everything was delicious, just like I imagined this special night would be. My stomach starting gurgle with the worst pains ever. I felt a fart coming on and squeezed as hard as I could. I surrendered and ran to the bathroom with the worst diarrhea afterwards in this tiny hotel room. I turned on the water and tried to be quiet pretending like nothing was wrong. My only give away was that I was in the bathroom for like a half an hour. Every time I thought I was done, more came. How embarrassing!!! He thought it was funny. "OH MY GOD", was all I could think. I was humiliated that this happened during my special romantic dinner with him. He loved me anyway and we had the best night despite my cooking fouls. I will never put salad dressing on a salad the night before again! NEVER EVER!
Recalling these memories still makes me shine. Honestly I was laughing through writing this whole post. I started writing with love and the joy has never left me. As I continue to write, I pour my whole heart and love onto the page. In my opinion, that is the only way to write. Many times I have cried and laughed through my posts, scared to press post but I do it anyway. I want to live. I want to write. I want to love. We are no longer together but he holds a very special place in my heart. He always did. Peace, love & light beautiful people! Tell me, did you ever write love letters? I'd love to know:)
One of the first weekends of my yoga teacher training we opened up our dialogue. We were just casually talking about something I can't remember but I remember saying "I don't trust anyone." I said it pretty casually without really realizing the impact of this statement. It just slipped off my tongue so somehow it was in me. We were sitting in a circle and my teacher had me look at everyone and say "I don't trust you". I was thinking this is ridiculous but I went ahead with the exercise anyway. I started to go around the circle and said "I don't trust you". Then I looked at the next person and said "I don't trust you". And the next, "I don't trust you". And the next, "I don't trust you". I continued on until I said it to everyone in the room. By the end I was in tears. I did have trust issues. The realization of this fact hit me like a brick wall. Let's face it, if you are an adult, chances are that you have gotten hurt at some point in your life. In the process of protecting ourselves we energetically shut down. Or at least I did.
As I was going around in the circle and saying "I don't trust you", different reasons popped into my head on why I didn't trust them. My mind was brilliant at coming up with little stories of fear that weren't true. They were just my imagination and they weren't real. The problem not trusting anyone is that you are spending a lot of time alone as relationships are built on trust. When we were doing this trust exercise, what I really was saying is that I want to trust you but I'm scared. I wanted to open up to this new group of people. I was dealing with serious issues and I needed to be able to be open about what I was dealing with because I was having a hard time doing it alone. If we stop taking risks on trusting people then we are missing out on a lot of joy. Our relationships make us feel happy. Love makes us feel happy. We need each other to hold hands with as we go through turbulent stages of life as well as share in our successes. Our lives become more rich when we open ourselves up, trust and love one another.
Throughout the yoga teacher training, we all opened our hearts and worked through all of our chakras, the yoga sutras, Bhagavad Gita as well as energy work. Once I realized that I really didn't trust anyone, I made a conscious effort to take a chance on this beautiful group of people. I opened up my heart and I talked about my healing journey as I was actively making changes to improve my relationships and life. Our group bonded and we became close because we learned to trust each other. I learned that everyone is scared to some degree to open up. I was ready and simply went for it and I'm so glad that I did. Really connecting with someone is so special. When it happens and it is real, somehow we don't feel so alone. Life becomes more interesting and people are absolutely fascinating. I love learning about other people's lives. We yearn to be known and to be heard.
When we learn to authentically connect with each other like this on a deeper level then everything else seems boring. Who really likes shallow small talk? I mean, it's ok for a little bit but then it's simply more fun to really connect. Life is real. Life has many ups and downs. Life becomes more joyful when we have people to share our ride with. I learned to trust this group of people and love them. And yes, life became better. I'm glad that I got over my trust issues. I'm glad that I took a chance. I moved from Chicago to Clermont, FL and I was lacking depth in my new relationships. I was lonely. I really wanted real friendships with people whom I can really care about and love. I wanted community in this new town that I was living in. Take a chance and open up. Yes you might get hurt but don't stop being kind and loving. You will find your people if you keep trying. As Michael Singer, the author of The Untethered Soul says, "go into new situations with a beginner's mind. Don't let past experiences affect new ones." I'm so glad that I did this yoga teacher training. I feel joy despite the obstacles that I am facing. Much peace, love and light to you all. What do you think about this post? Does it resonate with you? Please feel free to comment as I really do want to know you.
When I was about 16 years old I was searching my dad's office for something, I can't remember. I open his roll top desk, open all the little drawers inside and then opened a side drawer. He used to lock this desk but for some reason it was open. I was innocently looking for something office related. Instead I found a letter in an envelope. For some reason I pulled it out, I don't remember why. This was 27 years ago for me. I read the letter and it was a note that said, "I wish I was a better dad. I wish I was a better husband. I wish I made more money at work. I wish I was a better looking man. I wish"...and it was a list like this then went on the full page. At the end "I don't know how to do better. I am not good enough." At the end it said "I want to kill myself". It devastated me. I quickly folded the letter and put it back so that no one would find out that I accidentally found it. I never told anyone that I found that letter. It scared me down to my bones. I was in a panic and was thinking, "when". I still have time to tell him that he is enough, he can change anything that he is unhappy about and that I love him. I was dedicated to being his friend and help him find happiness.
We lived in a big house but we often hung out in the small sunroom in the corner of the house. We had a hammock hanging from the walls and a hammock chair swing overlooking our yard. There was a tv in the corner of the room. My dad was often drinking beer, I think it was Old Style. I would sit back in the sunroom with him and talk about life. I would ask him lots of questions about life, what to major in, where to go to college, etc. He would tell me how unhappy he was. My father suffered with depression for a very long time. Most of his adult life. He always seemed sad to me. He told me that life was cruelly lonely. I was thinking, how can that be, you got me, my brothers and mom. At this time, my brothers were starting to fight and get into mischief. I was up to my own shenanigan's but I was better at hiding it. We move to a new town when I was 15 and they were 11, 11, 13 and 18. He was frustrated and said he had no control over them and didn't know what to do. He was unhappy with my mother. They used to have terrible screaming fights. When I was younger, I remember my mother calling the cops on my dad. We spent hours talking about how unhappy he was. I didn't know it at the time but this is called "emotional incest". Emotional incest is when a parent looks to their child for emotional support or treats them more like a partner than a child. The problems that he was going through were too heavy for me to deal with, I was just a kid really. I was dedicated to making my father happy so that he wouldn't kill himself. The fear was real for me but somehow I blocked it out and never talked about that letter.
To make matters worse, my mom would sneak around the door of the sunroom and hear my father complaining about his marriage to me. She would get furious and would scream at him to "go hang out with your other wife". It was devastatingly cruel. I couldn't tell her what I was worried about and now I didn't trust her. I really should have been talking to an adult about what I was going through but clearly not either of them. I felt fear for my father and betrayed by my mother. My mother did work super hard and she expected everyone to help. Specifically I remember her coming home with groceries and if we didn't stop and help her right away then we were screamed at. Now that I'm an adult, I understand why she was tired and needed help. I just didn't see it as a kid. I just saw my mom as someone that I couldn't trust because I never knew when she would turn on me. Of course she's my mom and I loved her. She has a very likable side to her and I often wanted a better relationship with her than I did. I graduated at 17 years old and was off to college shortly after this incident.
The reason that I think of this now is because my dad is very sick and I keep having all these flashbacks. I also want better relationships in my life and I am doing some self inquiry on where I seemed to be stuck. My ex-husband was depressed most of the time that I was married to him. I think I thought I could save him too. Maybe his sadness is what attracted me to him. It was so familiar. I was thinking about this because even though I have a lot of people around me in my life, I somehow found myself feeling lonely tonight. Maybe it was just the first time that I have been alone at night in some time. Lately my mom is here or my children. My mom is in Chicago and my kids are at their dads and I got to meditate for the first time in awhile. As I meditate I have these panicky urges to do something. I resist them because I know that doing something is just distracting me from dealing with myself. I want to go clean my house, go check out this new/used bedroom set for my girl, visit my dad, hang with my ex and kids. Instead, I do nothing. I just breath and tears roll down my face. Sometimes I feel like I did all this spiritual work on death and I'm ok about my dad's situation but lately I feel sad. It seems to come and go in waves. You never really seem to get over it. It just seems to hurt less over time.
I've been able to visit my dad alone at his Assisted Care Facility, Crain's Lodge. When I see him, he is so docile and weak and I never saw him be aggressive. I don't doubt it if the care facility says that he has been. When I am with him he is tenderly sweet. His speech is so disoriented but it sometimes ends with, "this is what you have to do. See?" He is still trying to parent me even though he is sick with Alzheimer's and can barely sit up or stand up. He talks in a really soft kind voice. When I see him lately he is hunched over really bad. When I come in, I crouch down by his feet and tell him about my day or I try to move him to the couch or take him for a walk. The other day I helped to feed him soup because the spoon kept going on an angle and spilling the broth everywhere. He was hungry. I plan to ask the facility what his medication is because when I first moved him there he was moving around a lot better. I must be coming right when he gets his medicine or they up'ed his medicine. Either way, I talk as nice as I can to him and I often hug him and tell him I love him. I know he can read my energy even if he can remember me. He seems to remember me but he can't say my name. I often remind him, "I'm Amy, your daughter".
I am reading a book called "The End of Alzheimer's" and this book gave me some hope. Sometimes hope feels like a wicked thing but it's all we have. This book talks about how switching to a mostly plant based diet, can help stop or reverse Alzheimer's. No dairy, no soda, no fatty treats like cakes, cookies or ice cream, no trans fats or fried foods, no alcohol, or processed foods. Basically eat clean. If you do eat meat then this book recommends that it only be a condiment. I personally recommend getting off of it. If I agree with everything in this book or not, it doesn't matter. The bottom line is that they were specific case studies of people who reversed or stopped their Alzheimer's. I got a glimmer of hope. I know I can help my dad if I can take him home with me. The only thing is that I need help with him. He needs 24 hour care. I feel like this is his only hope. The assisted care facility, Crain's Lodge, feeds everyone a basic Standard American Diet, SAD diet. The use white bread, desserts and sugary drinks. It's all typical American fare. He'll never get better there. If I bring him home then I also have to deal with my mom's own eating addictions. I think she'll give him whatever he wants. She doesn't believe me.
I can't help but to wonder if his condition can improve with diet change. I can help him improve this significantly. I feel like at this point, he has nothing to lose, everything to gain. He will still be a handful so I would have to hire help on care.com. This hope that I feel is the same hope that I felt with trying to help my dad when I first found his suicide note. I can help but I also need help. I would have to add combination locks on my doors and hire a caretaker. I still can't help but to feel like I can't give up on my dad. It's his life. He is young. He deserves better. He would do anything for me. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. He is robbed of everything that is him. When he is loved, then he is absolutely the kindest, most gentle person I know. He needs help eating, dressing, bathing, going potty, everything. His disoriented speech is a big thing that I notice. He wants to talk but he can't seem to get it out. He also wants to walk, all the time. I would have to walk him everyday. I just worry about being stuck to my house.
After my meditation I was reflecting on how I would talk to my dad as a kid and try to "help" him by being his friend. I was thinking that despite all my efforts to make him happy, I now realize that no one can make you feel anything. He had to find happiness all on his own. Besides, thinking back, my advice that my adolescent self was giving him was terrible. I often told him, "just get divorced", problem solved I thought. What was nagging him was his soul. His soul needed to be healed. As I realize that he had to find his own happiness, so do I. I am searching somewhere deep inside and breathing. You know, it is nice to be alone once in awhile. I feel better already. Thank you for listening. I love you all. Peace. Pray. Love. And please eat more fruits, vegetables and get 15 minutes in the sun for vitamin D as much as you can. It's in the book:)
Have you had any experiences with flying monkey's working on behalf of a narcissist? I personally experienced and saw this happen to me and a dear friend of mine. It's scary to think that there are people out there who intentionally try to hurt you especially when you have done nothing to warrant this abuse. Abuse is exactly what it is too. Narcissism is a spiritual reality in which the person operates on a lower level (using their primitive brain). They lack empathy. They are all about their own success, getting ahead and not caring who they hurt. A flying monkey works for the narcissist and may pretend to be your friend only to report back to a narcissist. A flying monkey might also not even know they are working for a narcissist, especially if the narcissist is a skilled covert narcissist. The narcissist can often play victim to and blame the innocent target. The narcissist is spreading a smear campaign against the target and flying monkeys do whatever the narcissist says out of fear of being ousted from "The Group". I often think about the power of "The Group" and how good people will do things that are not so kind in efforts to belong to "The Group". "The Group" leader, a charismatic narcissist, is often a very likable person that people want to be friends with. They overlook the evil things that the narcissist has done simply to be liked by this leader and the power of their group. Creating awareness can help protect you from abuse. This term is not formally used or taught in medical practice but it's real. If you find yourself in this type of situation then you can recognize it and do things to get out of an unhealthy situation. Find people who really love you and who do things to elevate you. If you energetically feel negativity from someone then trust your instincts. Protect yourself because not everyone is evolved enough yet to know that love is god. Love is at the core of our being and our natural state. If anything feels the opposite of love then stay away. Famous narcissists are: Adolph Hitler, Ted Bundy, OJ Simpson and Kim Kardashian. The term Flying Monkeys is defined in the dictionary:
The definition according to Wikipedia is:
"Flying monkeys or apaths, is a term used in popular psychology mainly in the context of narcissistic abuse. They are people who act on behalf of a narcissist to a third party, usually for an abusive purpose (e.g. smear campaign). The phrase has also been used to refer to people who act on behalf of a psychopath, for a similar purpose. The term is not formally used in medical practice or teaching.
Abuse by proxy (or proxy abuse) is a closely related or synonymous concept. The term is from the flying monkeys used by the Wicked Witch of the West in the 1939 film Wizard of Oz to carry out evil deeds on her behalf."
Flying monkeys can be anyone who believes the narcissist's fake persona including the narcissist's spouse, child, friend, sibling or cousin. According to popular psychology author Angela Atkinson, flying monkeys are usually unwittingly manipulated people who believe the smears about the victim although they may be another narcissist working in tandem.
According to narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) author Sam Vaknin, and other writers, proxy abusers can come from a number or sources:
The flying monkey does the narcissist’s bidding to inflict additional torment on the target. It may consist of spying, spreading gossip, threatening, painting the narcissist as the victim (victim playing) and the target as the perpetrator (victim blaming). Despite this, the narcissist does not hesitate to make flying monkeys his or her scapegoats when and if needed.
The flying monkeys may make it seem like the narcissist is not really involved, and they likely have no idea that they are being used. Multiple flying monkeys act as a mobbing force against a victim. In divorce conflicts, the children can be used by one party as a weapon against the other party.
Motives behind the narcissist's support group can be multiple. Service providers may be seduced by the narcissist's charm into taking a one-sided perspective. Family members may in good faith attempt to sort out the "problematic one". The codependent may seek to participate in the narcissist's omnipotence, or use them as sanction for their own aggressive instincts. Alternatively, others may simply be swept up by force of personality to define the situation along the narcissist's own lines."
Currently my house is under construction for remodeling. I am normally a very frugal person who doesn't spend much money on myself. At one point, I almost sold my house because there was so much work to be done to it. My mom needed help and moved in and that was how I made the decision to upgrade my house. With my mom there, I wanted it nice. She was going through a lot being separated from her husband who is in an assisted care facility. I had the original kitchen and bath in my house from the early 90's. It wasn't bad but it also wasn't that beautiful serene environment that made me happy to come home to. My mom is at the house full time and I have 2 children who spend a lot of time at the house. I also do a lot of work out of my house. The choice to invest into my house seemed like a no brainer. Moving cost money and the housing market is at a high point. It would cost me a lot to move and I would have to spend a lot to get what I wanted. I saw a lot of places and the taxes were also a lot higher. I decided with the decline of my parents health, that I needed to stay put. It was too much stress for me to deal with their illness, raise two kids, work and move.
I had a friend come to my house who is a designer, Silvana. Asking her to come visit was the best decision ever. I have fixed up the house a lot already and in the process, some things turned out great and I also made mistakes. I wanted to avoid anymore costly mistakes. She walked in the house and immediately was eyeing things up and down saying "um hum". When you walked into my house before, you walked into a cheap white tile foyer. Then if you looked left and right, those two rooms were forest green carpet, yucky! It you looked straight ahead you can see where I took out the maroon red carpet and put vinyl wood flooring down. I loved this vinyl flooring but in Florida, it would be better to put tile. In the kids bedroom I had tan carpet. My bedroom, the same ugly forest green. In the kitchen there was more cheap white tile. I honestly hated it. I wasn't sure how to fix it or what to do. Silvana's first suggestion was to not break up the flooring. She said I should do the same flooring throughout the whole first floor and choose a light color to make the smaller rooms look bigger. I followed her advice and all I can say is WOW! It is amazing what flooring can do for the look of your house. This will also be helpful for my mom with a walker as there won't be any transitions. I'm also adding in grab bars in the bathroom for her.
Silvana said that nothing goes in the house. She said when I walk in from the outside it was very warm light tan and then when you walked inside the rooms were a very rich terra cotta color. If you kept walking then I switched to cool colors with light blue. The rest of the house had cool colors and the lanai switched back to the warm light tan. She recommended to keep the theme of the house the same. If I wanted cool colors then keep cool colors throughout. I changed the terra cotta walls in the front rooms to a very light gray and a slightly darker gray to match the floors and to make the rooms look bigger. I changed the living room and kitchen to a white wash color with a light gray accent wall. White wash looks better with gray than off white she says. My bathroom and kitchen have been gutted and should be installed within the next few weeks. I have white cabinets, stainless appliances and a soft gray quartz counter with subtle sparkles being installed. I can't wait for the sparkles! Sparkles brings me joy!
New wall colors, new flooring, new kitchens and bathrooms are THE BEST! I spent so much time calling plumbers over the past few years to come over to fix leaks. I had electricians to the house. I hired carpet cleaners, I painted the house myself 2 times and still somehow couldn't get it right. My friend Silvana said, spend the money. The house is the most important thing. It's where you live and it should be a calm, serene sanctuary that you look forward to coming home to. "It will change everything for you", she says. "Your moods will be happier, your productivity will be more and it will feel good." Right now everything is still a mess but I am bursting with excitement as I see one thing put back to place at a time. Honestly, I hired a good contractor if you ask me. I got lucky and so far I'm having a very positive experience. There is someone at the house everyday working. The whole project will finish faster than expected and overall, I'm thrilled! I'm finally creating this amazing beautiful place to live in that I've always wanted.
I love the light colors. Silvana says, keep it simple. Do only two tones, with light colors. Then you can always add accent pieces with color if I want. Keep the calm simple two tone look. I love the windows that overlook all the trees in the backyard. She says to get simple wood furniture to bring the outside inside the house. Don't buy bulky couches with big arm rests. Buy furniture with simple lines and furniture that isn't so big as it uses up so much space. I'm already planning on swapping out my king bed for a queen and bringing in smaller furniture. I also swapped out the ceiling fans and light fixtures so that everything matches the theme of the house. It's going to be great! Step by step, it's coming together. There is a lot of stress in my life right now dealing with two aging parents and two small children however, I'm glad that I'm doing something for myself! This brings me joy and this is what is balancing the chaos.
If you have ever wanted to improve your house but you are on the fence then all I can say is, do it! You are worth it. Silvana was right, it has changed my moods. I feel grounded like I can grow strong roots and enjoy a beautiful creative space. I can't wait to show you the final product. Sending you lots of love and light! Besos!
P.S. If you also want a consultation from my friend Silvana, then it's worth it! Here is her website with contact information: silvanaliving.com . She tells me, "You see how important it is to LOVE where you live. To me it's an important base for a joyful life. It's where your inspiration starts!" Thank you Silvana, love you very much plus I'm inspired!
Also, my contractor Carlos Jimenez, from Fix Plus has been doing a great job! I will post some more photos soon and you can see for yourself:)
My mom retired with a full pension when she was 55 from teaching Special Education for 35 years with her PhD. They owned their house outright and wanted adventure. They did everything the "right" way and had a beautiful retirement cruising the world. My mother generously took me and my children on one of her world cruises. She felt like a cruise around the world was better than any education I could get. They would go on a cruise for a few months and come back to their home in The Villages for a few months. My dad was the former President of the Woodshop in The Villages, his playground. He would often come back, go to the Woodshop and carve caricature dolls of silly people. He has a childlike sense of humor. His house has stuffed animals everywhere, on the entertainment system, on his nightstand, on the shelf above the hallway to the bathroom in his bedroom. My mother fell in love with Bridge. It was a dream retirement where they could wake up every morning and decide what they wanted to do for the day. They never had to worry about money as those pension checks religiously kept coming.
My brother, Eric, worked for United Airlines so my mom, a skilled bargain hunter, got 1/2 off her cruises. About four years ago my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. This was devastating for him to know he had Alzheimer's. If we ever talked about it he would often burst into uncontrollable tears. This was very strange for me to see as this was my father, the smartest and strongest man I knew. He was an absolute genius. He loved things like his telescope, outer space, wood carving, science, history books and art. As he would often say, "I'm a happening dude.". He also had a wicked sense of humor. He was wittier then heck with his sassy comebacks if anyone was heckling him. He always loved a good heckle. He had a heart wrenching softness to his self deprecating humor. He would often say if you don't want to hurt anyone but you wanted to make a joke then make one about yourself. Everyone loves a good laugh. When I was younger, I used to crawl into bed with my parents and watch tv in between them. My dad would bring out one of his favorite stuffed animals, Betsy the cow, and talk like Betsy. He had different voices for many of these prized stuffed animals. He was like a big kid.
In December 2018 my parents were medically evacuated off of their 3 month Asian cruise ship. At this point my parents have been retired for almost 15 years and spent the past 8 years going on river cruises, cruises around different continents and cruises around the world. It sounded lavish to me but my mom said it was cheaper for her to cruise than any assisted care facility. On the cruise ships, they did their laundry, made their food, cleaned their room, everything. It made it a lot easier to care for my dad on the ship. If he wondered and got lost then he couldn't go too far. He was medically evacuated off the ship after a three month Asian cruise on their way home in Hawaii. My father was having incontinence. He started peeing in the hallways and literally dropped his drawers and pooped on the roof deck. I don't know if he forgot where the bathrooms were or what but it happened. He would never do anything like this when he was healthy. I know my mom was cruising with his as long as she could until she couldn't anymore. She often uses a walker and she would leave it outside her room before she would leave and he sometimes would see it and take off down the hallway. I wonder if this was another one of his jokes or if it was his disease. Either way, my mom was left there helplessly shouting for him to come back.
She said it was a nightmare trying to get home from Hawaii. She has her own illnesses with Parkinson's, Crohn's Disease and kidney stones. She ended up flying to Chicago to see my brother's Brent, Eric & Kirt, she was worried this would be my father's last trip in his hometown. Then she flew to Rochester, MN to go to Mayo Clinic. She has been going to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN for years. While in Chicago, my dad boarded an EL train by himself and ended up in a suburb on the south side an hour away. My mother had to file a missing person's report to find him. In Minnesota he left the hospital where she was getting treated and my dad was picked up by the police. Finally she flew home and was in the middle of selling her house in The Villages. She was going to move in with my older brother, Keith and he helped her find an assisted care facility in Safety Harbor, FL where he lives. My brother started an addition on his home so that she had her own bedroom near my father's home. In the meantime she needed a place to live and moved in with me as her house in The Villages, FL sold. While living with me, she loved the kids and she also liked that my job was more flexible and part time so she decided to stay with me. I never thought I would be living with my mother again, lol. My brother, 6 months later is still dealing with a construction project for an addition gone wrong, poor guy. He hired the wrong contractor. I told him she can stay but we needed to move my dad for two reasons. First he was being really sedated at the home where he was at. Second, I wanted her to stop driving 2 hours one way, 4 hours round trip to see him. It wasn't safe for her to drive so far to see him in her condition.
For my older brother, Keith and I, this was the start of our journey with taking care of our parents. The roles have been shifting. We are now more the parents while my parents are more the dependents. It has been an emotional journey especially as I learn more about Alzheimer's and that devastating side effects of the disease. It's terrible to hear that people can suffer with it for 9+ years. When they were medically evacuated, I felt a deep sadness. My dad was my friend. I used to walk with him and talk about life. I knew, we would no longer have our talks. He used to help me with everything. He helped me paint my house, coached my softball, took me on vacations, helped me with my school work, picked me up and dropped me off so many times amongst so many things. We used to wrestle, me and my four brothers as we all used to team up in efforts to take my dad down. He would be crying with laughter on our front lawn as we flexed our kid muscles and jumped on his back. He was careful with us and we loved it. Memories come to me in flashbacks now as I am with him in the silence. His speech has been the biggest thing to go as he can no longer remember all the words that he wants to say. I can only imagine his frustration. I'm currently in the middle of his care. He is now at Crain's Lodge in Clermont, Florida in their memory care. It has been a big adjustment for my mom to be separated from my father. She spent 47 years sleeping next to him now having to learn to sleep alone. I think for her, nights are the hardest as she misses him. I occasionally watch a girl movie with her to bond so that she isn't so lonely. During the days she can now visit him. For now, there is peace.
I am happy that they got to travel before all this happened. Overall, I am blessed. I just graduated my 300 hour yoga teacher training and at my yoga class where we were getting our certificates, my mom knocked on the door. She surprised me by bringing my dad to see me graduate. She said, "Amy, your father would have done anything for you. He would have wanted to be there." I was his baby girl, his only girl. Thankfully one of the students works with memory care patients and helped him find a seat while our graduation certificates were being handed out as tears rolled off my cheeks. This whole year I've been fighting to not cry but when it happens then it comes out silently but heavy. It was very touching to have my dad there and my mom never ceases to surprise me. She can be tough but she can also be super sweet and soft. She tells me she is so proud of me. As one of my Thai yoga clients says, "Nobody will love you more." Isn't that the truth? Peace.
AsHello beautiful people,
I just finished creating this new Assisted Thai Yoga video. Yes, I have to work, lol! I'm really putting in a lot of effort to grow my business and to share the healing art of Assisted Thai Yoga. I truly know this service will help so many people as it helps to lengthen the body, remove energy blockages and stretch the muscles, all in a therapeutic setting. I met this beautiful couple at an event that I worked and they offered to barter Assisted Thai yoga for filming my video. Yay! This video is my foundational flow in fast time. This session is normally 90 minutes but I did the flow quickly so you can see the full flow. Who wants to sit through 90 minutes, right? Many people ask me what Assisted Thai Yoga is and there is no better way to describe it other than to simply show you.
I was first introduced to Thai Yoga in my 200 hour teacher training. A few months later, I met a friend who was trying to book an appointment with a lady in New York who does Thai work and he couldn't get in for over a month because the service was in demand! Once people try it, I often get people who want to come back again and again. It's different than a massage in that I don't use oil. You keep your cloths on. I use a Thai mat on the ground verses a massage table. It's a little more interactive than a massage because it involves three dimensional yoga stretches verses a two dimensional service. If you haven't tried it then it's simply a MUST. I really mean that. You haven't spoiled yourself yet like you will during an Assisted Thai Yoga treatment. It's the ultimate in self care as there is something about holding onto your issues in your tissues. When the body opens then we can release that tension that is binding us up. There is also something healing about a loving touch. We want to be connected so much and it's amazing what a nurturing touch can do. I often feel bonded with my clients right away as I feel their wounds. I haven't worked with one person who isn't suffering in some way. People are either holding onto emotional wounds or there is an injury or tightness that they are working through. I really want to help people heal themselves. I want to see my clients happy, healthy and thriving. It's my life passion and there is nothing more exciting to me that to see my clients transform into the beautiful loving healthy souls that they are, healed.
After my friend told me that he couldn't get an appointment in New York for a month, I was curious. I started to do a lot of research and I came across a video by Michael Sitzer. He had a fast time video and I was super impressed by his work. When you want to provide a great service, you find a great teacher. I watched tons of videos and Michael's was one of the best. I had to go to this teacher. I saw that he had workshops in Atlanta, GA and I instantly booked and drove back and forth there a few weekends and another in Asheville, NC. Training was a beautiful experience. We often live our lives guarded, almost as if we are waiting to get hurt. During training, everyone was so open, eager and giving. Everyone, soaked up the information and generously showered each other with so much love and kindness. It really was a beautiful experience. I love it and I'm super happy to share it all with you now.
I presented the Assisted Thai Yoga sessions to Gina Keefe at One Yoga & Fitness and being the pioneer that she is, she offered her space for me to do sessions. This was a new service that the studio has never seen before. How can I encourage people to try it? How can I show people how awesome this service is? Live demonstrations are honestly one of the best ways to see what to expect. The other way is to show you with a video so that if you missed a live demo then you still have an opportunity to check it out.
Assisted Thai Yoga is a combination acupressure of Chinese Sen energy lines, Indian Ayurvedic Yoga postures and a Buddhist Loving Kindness meditation. You get to simply walk onto the mat with comfortable cloths, ideally without buttons or zippers for obvious reasons, and bliss out. This time is yours, undistracted with a therapeutic healer focused 100% on your well being. I can't think of anything more incredible than that.
Come see me. Let me take excellent care of you. I want to help you relax and enjoy this beautiful art. Call or text me today to make an appointment, 352-603-0025. Much Love & Light!
Hello beautiful people, I have to write about the good news too! The good news is that I just finished my 300 Hour Yoga Teacher training!!! Hooray! I'm super excited about finishing this amazing course with our teacher Shelly Kwiatkouski from Hot House Yoga in Ormond Beach. Shelly drove in from out of town one weekend a month to One Yoga & Fitness in Clermont for almost a year! We focused on anatomy, the chakras, Bhagavad Gita, Yoga Sutras, energy healings, sequencing, adjusting, assisting, breathing, meditating and breaking our hearts open so we could heal. It has been a wild healing journey for me. I walked into the yoga teacher training just wanting to do a handstand, lol! I had no idea what I was in for. We spent Fridays 5-9, Saturdays 8am-8pm and Sundays 8am-5pm working on our skills. This was a deep journey for me because I walked into this yoga training feeling like I already did so much self healing work that I thought I was done. I didn't know how much more I had to go. Every weekend I walked into the room with these girls just wanting to not cry and hold my shit together. Every weekend I unraveled and sobbed my heart out. It seemed like the tears wouldn't end. I didn't realize how broken and hurt I was. This beautiful and amazing group of people listened, held my hand and supported me while I healed one aspect of my life at a time. I'll be forever grateful for this beautiful experience of love and friendship. It wasn't an easy process for me but I needed it and I didn't know I needed it. After every weekend I would research videos on spiritual growth like I was hungry for it. I felt like it was the only way to find happiness for me so I was willing to work. I want a happy life. Shelly has a way of pushing your buttons in order to jump you forward and get you out of old patterns. It was uncomfortable at times because I didn't always agree but I did always respect the other opinion and I meditated on everything. I'm glad that I did it.
I selfishly wanted to do teacher training with Shelly because I loved her sequencing. I rallied some recruits together and told Gina the owner at One Yoga that we needed to do this training after it was originally passed over a few months back. I thought we could get enough people. She agreed and I invited some of these beautiful souls to go on this journey with me. 2 people didn't finish but they helped so much as well during the time that they were there. Shelly is an advanced teacher and while she claims that anatomy isn't her strength, it's definitely a strong point for her. She can choreograph a routine that twists you into all sorts of challenging shapes while she creatively stimulates your brain leaving you wondering what the heck will come next. After one of her classes your body aches for that savasana as you think what just happened. I would think "ok, I've seen it all" with her but she seemed to have an endless supply of tricks in her goody bag, keeping you wanting to know what else does she got. Let's just say, 14 plus years of yoga experience leaves you with a big goody bag. Shelly has super long hair down to her butt and somehow she can teach a class while demo'ing everything without messing all that hair up. She twists it into a bun, teaches and let's it all flow down as if nothing happened afterwards. Of course I don't have a picture with Shelly to show you but I'll get one:)
When you finish a 200 hour yoga teacher training then you can teach yoga. After a 300 hour yoga teacher training and your 200 hour yoga teacher training then you are a full 500 hour yoga teacher with Yoga Alliance and you can teach teachers. I've also got a 100 hour training for Bikram, 40 hours for a hot training and 60 hours for thai yoga training too. All this training can get expensive! I'm done with the big trainings for now. I'm very excited for all that has yet to come and I feel a grounding that I haven't felt in a long time. Something is anchoring me down while the chaos of life swirls around me. I found peace.
Namaste beautiful yogis. If you haven't tried my private Assisted Thai Yoga treatment then what the heck are you waiting for? I promise it will be a very therapeutic healing experience that will help you feel blissful afterwards. It's better than a massage in my opinion and if you haven't tried it then you haven't lived yet:) . It's the ultimate in self care. I'm teaching classes at One Yoga & Fitness in Clermont, FL. I would love to see you on the mat. Yoga is for everybody so please don't feel intimidated if you've never tried it before. I just did a thai session with a girl who said she couldn't climb stairs because the arthritis in her knees hurt her so bad. Yoga helped to heal her knees and now she has no issues climbing stairs. That is amazing. That is why I do what I do. That is something that I want to give to everyone:) . Come see me and let's work on it together:) . I offer privates if you don't like being in a big group setting. Much love to you all. Peace out beautiful people! I have a feeling that life is going to get good. Yes I have so much going on with taking care of my parents but I'm happy to do it despite the stress that I feel at times. This doesn't mean that I don't have a bad day, because I do. When I get super stressed out I think to myself. All I have to do is stop. Yes it's that simple. Stop. Find the quiet and listen. I love you. I hope you feel inspired to invest in yourself because you are worth it.
Hello beautiful people, This is my health blog designed to encourage you to live your best life. Hopefully my experiences will positively influence your life somehow!