Do you ever feel like you need to dim your light because when you shine then other people feel less? I've felt this way many times in my life and I've found myself sabotaging myself to be more in alignment with the group, not wanting to stand out. I don't want to make anyone feel less. As an extrovert this has been my challenge as I've had this deep need for acceptance by the group. I didn't even realize this until my friend pointed it out and then it hit me. Why are we afraid to shine our light? And if other people shine their light then why do we think our own light isn't as bright? Why are we afraid to step away from the group? I've watched a Tony Robbins video on leadership and one thing that he says is that the world could use more leaders. There isn't enough. Maybe all of these feelings that I have are really my own thoughts and insecurities as I experience my fear to step up and be a leader. I feel embarrassed, like who do I think I am?
I experienced that there was no leader in my family when my parents got sick. It felt like out of all five kids we were avoiding coming together to help my parents. We were all in a way hoping that someone else would do it. I realized that I was doing this because I was mad at my mother at the time. I was also guilty. My parents could be difficult. There was a lot of disfunction in my family growing up but they are still our parents and they needed help. There were a lot of good memories too. When we are hurting it's easy to see only the bad and not all the good. I had to step back and look at the whole their lifetime of what they have done for me. Overall there was way more good than bad. I wouldn't be the person that I am today if it wasn't for them. A lot of my strength comes from both of them. I get my physical strength from my father and my internal strength from my mother. I made a conscious choice to forgive my parents because staying angry with them was hurting me. I still love them very much and time was running out. I decided to step up and help as much as I could. I decided to reach out to my brothers to express love and kindness. I offered an open invitation to visit whenever they wanted as my mom now lives with me. The process of stepping up to be a leader to care for my sick parents has been incredibly healing.
I think of other opportunities for me to lead in my life. Sometimes I think I'm not good enough. Self sabotage has been a common theme for me. I also see this in others because I saw it in myself. There are a lot of incredibly talented people afraid to shine their light and step into leadership. I see this in others because I saw it in myself. I would like to offer others permission to shine their lights as brightly as they can. For me, I want to shine my light on my yoga practice. I want to take it as far as my body will take me without getting hurt and I don't want to feel bad about taking the next steps. Yes as we grow we might make mistakes but that's also how we learn and advance. We can't be afraid to make mistakes.
I have heard comments from others like, "why would you want to do that, no-one else can do it?", "do you want to be like Dylan Werner (a powerful yogi)" and "her class is too this or that." My first instinct to these comments is to dim my light and back off of my ambition. And then I think, I want to do these poses for myself because it feeds my soul. It feeds my soul because it's the next step for my growth in my practice and I don't want to stop growing. You never know who else might want to follow and learn. I personally would love an advanced yogi teacher locally so that I can learn more and more advanced moves. Yes, I do idolize Dylan Werner's work. He's fucking amazing and if I can do even a little bit of the advanced yoga that he does then absolutely I want to touch that edge. I want to go for it. I want to unapologetically shine my light as bright as I can.
I want to keep learning and growing simply because that is my next step. Somehow in the process, I hope this offers others permission to shine with whatever gifts they have. We are all different and all have different gifts so let's stop comparing. I would like to see people come together and support each other's light. Let's lift each other up! Imagine the synergy that we can have when we co-create with our different skills together. My yoga teacher reminded me of the power of co-creation. I honestly haven't had it very much co-creation in my life. I think of ways to add this into my life.
What is your gift and how can you shine? I've heard that "comparison is the thief of joy". I actively make a choice not to compare myself to others and support them. I am human and fear and doubt slips in from time to time. I have to make a conscious effort to step into a higher vibration when this happens. This is an act of service to support others growth and light. I personally give you permission to shine as bright as you can. Grow as much as you can. Be the best that you can. Be a leader. If you are already a leader at work then what other areas of your life can you cultivate? Push yourself because I believe that we are capable of much more than we give ourselves credit for. What is your next step for growth? How can you support others growth as an act of service? Shine bright like a diamond beautiful people and then spread that light. Don't let anything dim it. Don't be afraid to step outside of the group. Find your gifts. I love you, besos!
Today I wake up tired because I ate chocolate last night and the caffeine kept me up until late. Maybe this wouldn't affect most people but as you start to eat cleaner and cleaner you become either more sensitive to things or you notice what it was that disturbed your existence in some way. For me, I think it was a little of both. I fell asleep after 1am and I have to be up at 7am. For some people, this might be enough sleep but not for me! I am a sleeper. I love to sleep. I love to wake up on my own with no alarm when I'm ready to wake up. I love going to bed early too, just so I can get enough sleep. When I was younger I was the opposite. I would stay up late and go to school or work tired and that was a normal part of my functioning. I feel so good now, I don't ever want to go back to that way of living.
I get the kids ready for school, come home, sit in my pool house and meditate. It feels so good to rest in the early morning sun. The temperature is perfect and the early sun isn't too strong. I close my eyes and look at my aura's. In the past few days, I've been seeing lots of purples. Today I see rainbow auras everywhere. There are half rainbows, full rainbows and pieces of rainbows all together. They are beautiful, surrounded by white spikes of lights going in every direction. In my vision they are mostly blue, yellow and white strips. Some have the red, orange, green and purple in the middle but not many. I honestly didn't even know that you could see rainbows in your auras. This was new for me. I look up rainbow auras when I come home and I find Rainbow Aura Quartz. Now I have to have one of these stones but I will wait until I accidentally pass a store that has stones verses going out and looking for them. I want a whiter version so that it matches my vision. Why don't they have a stone shop in Clermont, Florida! I don't want to drive an hour to get one. Either way, it was peaceful and mesmerizing and wonderful. I look up what it means to see rainbow auras and this is what I find, "The presence of a rainbow aura, a combination of all the colors in the spectrum, indicates a highly evolved person; someone who has tapped into every power in their spiritual arsenal. It typically appears as a starburst or possibly even a series of speckled colors."
I'll take this explanation:) . I have been regularly meditating, doing self study, shadow work and all sorts of healings to heal my soul. Pendulum work. Chakra study. Spiritual study. Tarot and Oracle cards. Energy work. Meditation. Yoga. And being consciously present. I've also been working on facing all of my fears and making an effort to really know my true authentic self. I forgot who I was for a long time mostly through cultural conditioning, wanting to please others, trying not to rock the boat, and being afraid to speak my truth. Lately, I've been letting all of this go and learning to love who I really am for the first time ever. Yes, I'm guilty of being a horrible self critic to myself in the past. Now, I stopped judging and I simply accept what is. I want to be my true self in this lifetime and love the heck out of the real me. I know it will rock the boat a little but at least I'll be honest with my soul. Rainbow auras are beautiful by the way. I hope you get to see them one day. And if you don't then I still have it in the back of my head that I'll learn how to paint one day. I hope to paint these auras to share with you since I can't really find pictures of the ones that I see on the internet.
As I meditate I think about yoga. I love yoga so much. I love that I'm learning something new all the time. It's amazing how endless there is to learn about it. I've made some break throughs. I've been working on an arm balance called Eka Pada Koundinyasana and I could only do it if I dropped my elbows into my ribs which is kind of like riding a bike with training wheels on. I've been fighting to get more core strength to lift my gluts, adding extra push ups to strengthen my arms, all of the above. I learned that I already had all the strength that I needed, I was just engaging the wrong muscles. I needed to squeeze my leg in tight in order to lift myself off my elbow. I was working on it forever and then my yoga teacher, Shelly Kwiatkouski simply tells me to squeeze my thigh in tight and boom I'm flying in this inversion off my elbow. I really see how it's important to do a lot of self work but if you hit a plateau that you can't get past then it's nice to have a good mentor who can help you jump over the next hurdle. I'm excited because I want to start adding in inversion flows into my personal practice. Choreography passes through my mind.
I breathe in the morning air and I'm loving living in Florida. This is a big change as I hated it the first two years that I lived here. It took me 4.5 years of living here to really love it! I didn't realize how much I love it until I drove into a big city again, Tampa and was miserable on the road. I love the beauty of Clermont. I love the lakes. I love the simple, calm pace of life. I love all of the people I'm surrounded by. I'm very grateful.
I'm loving my meditations. I'm starting to love my life. Of course there are good days and bad days still but overall, I'm quite content. I've never really been content in the past. I was always wanting something more or something different so this is really a big shift for me. Peace out beautiful people. I'm sending much love and gratitude to you all. I hope to infect you with the contentment that I feel so that you also experience the peace that I'm feeling now.
I haven't had cable or tv in 10+ years as a conscious choice. I have Netflix and Youtube if I want to watch something. Since my mom moved in, she went through great efforts to get cable so she can watch the news and meat cooking shows. I can't stand watching the news. I feel like most of it is fear based and simply a distraction for what's going on right now. It takes us away from the present moment and from the people in the same room as us. Yes terrible things happen in the news but if anything is really that important, then you hear about it or see it in your facebook feed. The commercials and all the propaganda that is on tv is toxic. You don't need to get brain washed into consumerism from tv. And yes, I believe that it is slowly brain washing you over time. Be selective of what you listen to. Don't let distractions in and let them take you away from what is important, your inner peace.
I haven't cooked meat in 10+ years so watching meat cooking shows is gross to me at this point. At every chance that I get, I turn the tv off. I don't like the distracting noise in the background. I can't connect with my own thoughts. I'm irritated with all the unhealthy ingredients they put into all these meat recipes. Bottom line, the tv irritates me and is distracting in so many ways. Try turning off the tv for a night if you normally watch it with someone and connect with them. Many times we are lonely and yearning for connection and watching tv with people in the room. Turn off the tv and talk to the people in the room with you. Pick up an instrument and learn to play it. Find a hobby like sewing or anything that brings you joy and do that instead. Find your creativity and do something:)
My mom seems to struggle with turning the tv on and off all the time too. Why is it so complicated now to turn the darn tv on and off. I have to help her many times or watch her struggle through trying to turn the tv on for like a half hour. I chuckle an evil giggle as I watch her struggle but I am also irritated because it will come down to me having to help her. And I have to help and repeat myself many times. Ok, rant over.
If you want to turn into your inner voice, your inner guidance then the more you disconnect from electronics of all kinds the better. This is not to say that if you want to learn something or relax and watch a movie then don't do it. Do it but with intention and then get off. If you are on email, facebook, social media of any kind, tv or any other distraction for extended periods of time then you are most likely not tuning into your inner self. If you want to start following your inner guide then the answers are in the silence. Get quiet. If you always listen to the radio when you drive then maybe sometimes you turn it off. I invite you to begin a meditation practice of 30 minutes a day in silence over a period of time and I invite you to commit to yourself. You will see your world slowly transform. It might take some time simply to quiet the mind but just do it. A wealth of joy is inside of you bursting to get out if you can enjoy the quiet and listen. God is talking to you. What do you hear?
I'm loving my meditations in the mornings. I meditated yesterday and today for 30 minutes each day. I was watching my aura's yesterday and I was seeing lots of purple yesterday. Today I saw green and yellows and then it turned to a light pink and yellow. I love my pool house that is away from the house and surrounded by trees. I love the fresh brisk air of early April Central Florida mornings. I love all the birds singing all around me. I love being healthy and finally over this flu that has taken me out for a few weeks. Nothing feels better than being healthy. It feels blissful when you eat healthy, exercise, don't do drugs and meditate to take care of your mental well being. It's something that I wish upon everyone. Once I experience blissitation during my meditations, I feel pure joy. Sometimes I completely lose myself as if I'm being transported to another dimension for a few moments.
I taught an early morning yoga class called Hot 26. It's the first time they had this class and only 1 student came. This student started to feel dizzy and had to sit down. I was honestly worried for her health. We stopped the class and went into the lobby to sit down. She takes blood pressure medication and it was affecting her. She went home early. I hope she is ok. It makes me want to make sure no one leaves the hot room unsupervised. If they pass out or anything then I would want to make sure I can be there to help. That is why they ask people to lay down on the mat and not to leave the room in a typical crowded yoga room.
Other than that, I'm enjoying my Spiritual Liberation book by Michael Bernard Beckwith. I'm on a hungry quest for my connection with god and I've been doing an incredible amount of self study, meditating and self work. I've grown so much and I feel it. I feel a calmness that I haven't felt in a long time. I don't feel big highs or lows, just a pleasant, blissful presence. I invite you to do some self work too. It will be one of the best investments you make. Much love and peace! Namaste!
Hello beautiful people, This is my health blog designed to encourage you to live your best life. Hopefully my experiences will positively influence your life somehow!