Hello Beautiful People,
Today I wake up freezing and sit on my ottoman and meditate. I wrestle with my thoughts. I am frustrated with the way people treat each other. There seems to be a real lack of consideration for each other.
Recently I had a friend say, maybe I can invite you to this Thanksgiving party on the morning of Thanksgiving. The day goes on and I re-arrange my plans to see if I'll be invited because it sounded like fun. It's now late in the day and I end up going to a different friends house close by and not going downtown to get the vegan Thanksgiving that I was hoping for at this restaurant. I didn't go downtown to this restaurant because I was waiting to hear back from my friend because the party was downtown and I didn't want to make two trips. Anyway, the whole day goes by and I send a message, saying I didn't hear from you so I guess we aren't coming at 9pm. Honestly I was upset. Would it really have been so hard to send me a message to say it wasn't a good idea or not? A simple communication to say, please continue on with your plans without me. Maybe I could have also sent a message or called too. Either way, it still seemed kinda cold to blow someone off on a holiday without a message. Thankfully I had another friend who also extended an invite.
The theme continues, I have another friend that I was dating. He goes out of town on a retreat and comes back engaged. What? This was really weird for me because I just saw this person and I was really open and honest with him about my situation but he wasn't very open with me about his. It feels bad because I'll still bump into this person and now his new fiancee. I wouldn't have gotten involved if I knew he was going to get engaged.
I go out with someone else who clearly shows a lot of interest in me. We had a very nice connection. We hung out a few times and then he forgot something at my house. Then he proceeds to tell me he doesn't want to get involved because I have children. I'm thinking, why are you at my house then. Your energy is saying something completely different.
I went biking with another friend. I drove an hour to see him. I meet up, we hang out for a little bit, go biking and then dinner. After 3 hours he says he's done for the night. I'm kinda annoyed because I drive 2 hours to see you essentially. Why can't you clear your schedule to hang out for the evening? And, why didn't you tell me before we meet up that you wanted to end the evening so early. I might have decided not to come at all because it wouldn't have been worth the drive.
It happens again, I have an amazing time with another guy that I go out with and then I don't hear from him for a month. We have a text message here and there with me reaching out and asking how it's going with nothing but aloof responses. Then yesterday I ask him about it and he says "what the hell, I'm working on communicating better". Really? It doesn't seem like you are putting in any effort at all. If you cared then you didn't show it at all.
My frustration is that I wouldn't treat anyone in this way. What I have come to realize is that I have become a very good communicator in my relationship with Darrel but with these other relationships there is a lack. I want to be treated better. I want to be considered. I want someone to be thoughtful of my feelings. Lately it just hasn't felt good. Am I doing something wrong? Why is there a theme here with a few different people? How can I avoid situations like this that don't feel so good? It just makes me feel sad, like I'm not important or respected. I know I don't have any control over these other people so what can I do differently? Ok, rant over, just saying...I'm frustrated.